Beware

Stay away from me. Trust me on this one. I've stopped smoking again, this time, hopefully, for good, so you might want to stay out of my way. No cigarettes + no sex (at least not this week) = SUPER-MEGA-BITCH. I'm trying everything I can think of so far. I actually bought some of that nicotine gum shit. Don't ever do that. It tastes like shit. And so far, doesn't really help any more than the mega-size bag of Starburst that I bought. I also bought a huge bag of Twizzlers and a equally huge bag of gummy bears. The gummy bears I have yet to open, the Starburst I opened this even, but haven't made much of a dent in, and the Twizzlers...Well, let's just say that I am about to puke just thinking of eating more Twizzlers. I'm doing alright, I think, but I am craving cigarettes really fucking bad. I decided, in a drunken stupor, that Friday night would be my last night as a smoker. I only had a few left, and the persons' house that we were at is not a smoker, so I was going outside. I smoked all but one cigarette while we were there and then smoked that last one on my way home and haven't bought any since then. I did bum a couple off The Ex yesterday when we were at work, but 2 cigarettes in 2 days is pretty damn good for me, since I was getting close to a pack a day. I'm bitchy as hell though. I'm gonna start walking tomorrow, during my lunch break on the days that I have to work late, and on the days that I am off early, my friend and I are going to take advantage of the indoor track at the local middle school, at least until it warms up enough that we can walk outside and then we will probably start going to the park and walking the nature trail. I really want to lose some weight and get myself in shape and I knew that I wouldn't be able to do much as long as I was still smoking, since I can barely walk across our yard, which is pretty damn small actually, without getting winded. I have a good friend that had gastric bypass surgery a couple of years ago, and has lost over 200 lbs. From it but I think that is a bit drastic. I'm not willing to put myself through that, not after seeing what she went through. For those of you that do not know me personally, I have always been overweight and really didn't care what others thought about me, but now I'm the one that is bothered by the whole thing. I'm finally not doing all this to impress a man, or anyone else for that matter. I'm doing this because I am 32 years old, I weigh too damn much to put down here because I don't want to frighten anyone, and my smoking habit was just one more vice. I have to make some serious changes or I won't be here to watch my little girl grow up and all the great stuff that comes along with it. I'm finally doing this for me, fuck everybody else, it's my turn. And, yeah, I'm sure I will have some set-backs along the way, but I'm not doing this for anyone but me, so I don't have a schedule to keep or anything like that. It will happen all in due time. I will try to keep you all posted on my progress and I would appreciate any support that comes my way. I have 3 friends that are helping me with the stopping smoking thing...I send them text messages when ever I get a craving really bad, and then send me back all these things to do instead. They have been wonderful...Even though it has only been 2 days and I haven't bitten their heads off yet. Give me time, I'm sure I will soon. I gottta get off here...Making myself want one really bad...