I need help

Ok, I am a complete moron when it comes to this kind of shit, but I am sick to death of this template. I totally hate all the other ones that blogger has to pick from. It is possible to change it without using one of theirs and if so how???? I need help.

I told ya...

Can I call 'em or what? I told ya if it looks too good to be true, it probably is, right? Damn, I'm good. Got an e-mail from Jimmie today saying that he really liked me but he was turning his life over to God and focusing on his classes right now and he didn't have time for a relationship, especially one with someone who was so demanding. Demanding?? How the hell am I demanding? I never asked that fucker for anything, unless you count wanting to spend ONE day a week with him. Geez, what the hell was I thinking, asking him to give up one day so we could actually spend some time together. What a dumb-ass I am. Ass-face. I hope you get hit by a bus on the way to school.


Christina, that was not nice.


Sorry, I take it back.


Wait, fuck that, no I don't.


Anyways, I'm glad it all went down early in the game before I got myself all wrapped up in him like I usually do with the men in my life. Did I mention that 2 of my friends have told me recently that I am too loyal? I gotta get a grip on that shit. Guess I am gonna try this single thing whether I want to or not, huh? Oh well...I have some shit I wanna do here soon anyhow that would only be hindered if I was "involved". Like, for my birthday, I wanna go get my nose pierced. Or a tattoo. Or maybe both. And on the 11th, I'm going to see Lynard Skynard and 3 Doors Down in concert with 3 of my good friends. I'm excited about that. Can you believe that I have only ever been to one other concert in my lifetime?? How pathetic is that? But that one concert was Aerosmith and Jonny Lang opened for them and it was awesome. I think it was the Nine Lives tour...I don't remember exactly now, but it totally fucking rocked. That was a long time ago, though...But I'm excited.

On a much sadder note, my Indian friend called tonight...I cried while I was on the phone with him. He kept saying how much he missed me and how he should have thought more about it before he moved out there because the people out there are so not friendly and he has met a few people at his new job, but hasn't met one person outside of work that will do more than say hello...Not even his new neighbors. That really made me sad because I miss him so freaking bad, I can't stand it. He asked me if I would ever consider coming out there and spending a weekend with him. Hell yeah!! That way I can stalk my future husband. Seriously though, I would totally love to do that, if I can swing it...But who knows. I guess we'll see.

Drama Queen and I baked a cake tonight for practice for her 4-H foods project. It was a peach cake. FUCKING AWESOME. I'll e-mail ya the recipe if ya want it.

Ok, I'm out. Nothing left to bitch about for tonight. I'm sure I'll think of something later.

If it looks too good to be true, it probably is...

Ok, I'm not totally giving up on this new guy, but things just aren't as bright and shiny new as they were a couple weeks ago.
I did a lot of thinking over the last couple days and ya know, I think maybe I oughta give this being single thing a try.
Holy shit, Batman, what did you just say?
Oh my god, what is happening to me? Please tell me that I'm not becoming a responsible adult...Cuz I can't deal with that right now...The whole growing up thing scares the shit out of me.
I have a birthday coming up too...
I'll be 33 on July 8th.
I'm officially an old woman in the eyes of my daughter. Ok, I'm officially an old woman in my own eyes too.
I'm going back to bed now. Old people can't handle this much excitement in one day. Not good for the heart.
Oh, wait, I forgot...I don't have one. I've given it away to too many men over the years and they have eroded it away to nothing.
Ok, maybe not nothing. But close to nothing.
It's ME time now.
Well, me and Drama Queen. She's getting to that age where I won't be "cool" much longer so I suppose I should take advantage of the fact that she still likes to hang out with me. Who knows, we might even go away for a few days this summer...Just the 2 of us. No men allowed.
Ok, really gotta go now. Ipods all updated. Gonna get out of the house and away from all this family...They are driving me insane!!

I just want to clarify something here...

Ok, I wanna clear something up. Seems that I have gone and shot my big mouth off again and hurt some feelings that maybe didn't really deserve it. So, here goes...
I have said some pretty bad things over the past few months regarding my messy break-up with The Ex. But in all honesty, he really isn't a bad guy. He's actually a pretty good guy, we just couldn't make it work. I mean, seriously, I didn't stay with him for 5 years because he was mean and nasty, right? He is actually a very kind-hearted, caring person. He treated my daughter as his own and probably would have adopted her had we ever taken the plunge and gotten married. He still treats her as his own, although they don't spend as much time together as they used to. I totally respect his new relationship, even though I don't like her and I probably never will. He and I have tried very hard to remain friends, for 2 reasons: #1 is for Drama Queen, #2 is to keep the peace at work. He is having a hard time dealing with my new relationship, and I really do understand how he is feeling because I felt the same way 6 months ago. I know that he thinks I am moving too fast with this new guy, and maybe I am, but I haven't had a relationship that felt this right before and I'm gonna go with it and see what happens. Maybe relationship is too strong of a word at this point in time, but nonetheless, Jimmie puts a smile on my face and he makes me feel like the most important person in the universe and no one has ever made me feel that way, The Ex included. But that does not change the fact that The Ex really and truly is a good person. I still love him very much and up until a couple months ago, I probably would have jumped at the opportunity to work things out with him. I think things have come too far for that now...Too many things have happened for us to be able to trust each other again and you cannot have a relationship without trust. I really do wish him all the happiness in the world and if that is with his current girlfriend, then so be it...It's not up to me to determine who he should spend his life with, just like it isn't up to him to determine who I should spend mine with.
Ok, I hope that clears things up. While there are times that I would love to rip his face off, I do still care about him very much and I only want the best for him. And that is all I have to say about that.

One last time...

Said goodbye to my Indian friend last night. Went to see him because he still had a movie of mine and I had a couple CD's of his. Managed to sit there with him for a few without either of us trying to jump the others bones!! Which is a good thing, since I am trying to see what is going to happen with this new guy and the last thing I want to do is screw it up by cheating on him already. Oh my God, does that mean that I am growing up and acting like a normal, functioning adult?? EWWWW!!!! Seriously, though, it was sad. K and I actually connected really well when we were seeing each other and I am sad to see him go. But I understand that he has to do what is best for himself and taking this job seems to be the best option he has right now. And I am truly happy for him. He has been a wonderful friend to me for the past few months and we will continue to keep in touch via e-mail and stuff like that so it's not a total loss. And now I can focus my energy on Jimmie because I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY!! I'm actually thinking of taking Drama Queen to meet him very soon. I'm not sure though...Too soon maybe? I have told her that I met a new friend and that he was very special to me, but she really hasn't asked any questions or anything like that, so maybe I should wait a little while yet. Just to make damn sure that this is for real, ya know? I don't know...We'll see, I guess. Peace out.

Fate...

Have you ever met someone and knew from the very first moment that you saw them/talked to them/touched them that they were going to be a very important part of your life in some way? How can you know so little about someone and just know that they are going to play an important role in your future? I spent the afternoon/evening with my new guy friend yesterday. We have spent several hours talking on the phone and I could kinda tell that he was a pretty special person and I was eagerly looking forward to getting to know him better and seeing where things would go, but I was also being cautious because the last thing I need right now is another serious relationship that is doomed to fail because I let it move too fast. We decided to get together yesterday and things went very well. He's a very sweet guy and he was a total gentleman the whole time. We went for a walk in this cute little park (in between rainstorms) and he asked me if he could hold my hand while we walked and he opened my car door and stuff like that...Very nice guy. And he's got a great smile that just lights up his whole face...Beautiful eyes, too...One of the first things I notice about someone is their eyes. He is funny and charming and he makes me laugh. I know, I know, I've said that about other guys before, but this time was actually different. Seriously, it was. I have become quite the cynic lately...I expect people to let me down anymore, that way I won't be so disappointed when they do. But this was different...I went to meet him thinking that he was gonna be completely different than the guy I had been talking to on the phone and he wasn't at all. He says nice things to me all the time and he is just an all-around nice guy. So, I guess we will see. I'd like to think that I deserve a little happiness, but I know better than that. I'm sure I will screw this up somehow.
The Ex and I had a nice talk this morning. He admitted that he gets jealous of me spending time with other men. I feel bad but at the same time, I have given him every opportunity to work things out with me and he has refused to even consider it, so I guess the time came for me to accept it and move on. I knew this was going to happen...As soon as I find someone that might actually make me happy, he starts coming around. I swear, I'm not gonna let him get to me though...Not this time. I could be wrong, but I think the thought of someone taking his place in Drama Queen's life is more of a threat to him than anything.
Everything happens for a reason. I met Jimmie for a reason...I'm just not sure what that reason is just yet. I'll keep ya'll posted though...No need to watch soap operas...Just visit here!

It's always raining in my head...

Quick update for the masses: My arm it totally doing better. Not completely healed, but lots and lots better. I will probably have a scar there but I suppose that is better than a huge gaping hole, right? As for my love life (or lack thereof), my Indian friend is moving to West Chester, PA, instead of Boston now. He got a better job offer from this company than from the original so he is going where the money is, of course. I'm totally jealous because that is where my future husband, Bam Margera, lives and I'm still trying to figure out how to fit into his suitcase so I can go too. I will be sad to see him go, but I am very happy for him. He totally deserves it.
I have met a new guy, though, and this one is unbelievable. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man and more, but I am trying really hard not to get too into him too quickly because this is some fairy tale shit and fairy tale shit doesn't happen to me. He is currently going to school for his RN about an hour and a half from where I live but he has already offered to transfer to a school that is only a half hour from where I live so that he can be closer to me. He thinks I deserve to be treated like a princess, he says. Pretty cheezy, huh? Oh well, we'll see how it goes. The Ex is being a creep about the whole thing, because things are not going well for him right now and he hates the fact that I have someone else to occupy my attention and I'm not fawning all over him anymore. But he had his chance, right? I came to the conclusion, finally, that even if the opportunity came around, we wouldn't ever be able to work things out because too much has happened. He will probably never be able to fully trust me again, and I would always have that thought in the back of my mind that he would rather be with someone else. I believe that everything happens for a reason, I guess I just haven't figured out what that reason is just yet.
So, you can see that my soap opera life is still as crazy as ever. Working a lot of hours right now because I am short-staffed, AGAIN, but hopefully I will have a new person to start training by the end of the week. And then I get to start looking for a replacement for my part-time guy because he is leaving to join the Army on July 20th. Oh, these are the days of our lives...Peace.