At least I will miss you

I lost a good friend this past week. Well, former good friend, I should say, since I haven't talked to him in 3 years. I met this person at a time in my life when I really needed a good friend to lean on and he totally came through for me. Yes, he had his faults (some REALLY big ones, at that), but he was ultimately the one that encouraged me to get out of my first (and only, for that matter) marriage, when my ex-husband was beating the crap out of me on a regular basis. I actually met him prior to my wedding, and he tried like hell to convince me that things would not get better and that, regardless of what my ex-hubby said, I was worthy of someone that would love and cherish me and not use me for a punching bag. Obviously, I didn't listen to him, and when I finally realized that I had to get out, he never once said "I told you so." He only did what good friends do, and that was support my decision and be there when I needed him, no matter what I needed him for. He came to my apartment and changed the locks when I decided that I had to get out and he sat with me while my ex pounded on the door, trying to get in, and then, when he finally left, he stayed until I fell asleep and then called me several times a day to encourage me to stay strong and stick to my decision, because it was the right thing to do. Shortly after all this went down, he got into some serious trouble and wound up going to prison for several years. I wrote him a couple of times, but when he refused to put me on his visitors list so I could come and see him, I got angry and stopped answering his letters. And then, when he finally came home, I refused to see him. Because I felt like he had abandoned me. But I was the one who abandoned him. I wish that I had been more mature then and I maybe I would have realized that his not wanting me to visit wasn't because he didn't want to see me, but because he wanted to protect me. He didn't want to think of me seeing him in a place like that. He was embarrassed and ashamed by what he had done. And he didn't want to think that I could possibly be putting myself in harms way by visiting him there. But I was an immature, selfish little bitch who couldn't see that at the time.
When he got out, he didn't try to make contact but he knew my parents and when he would run into them, he would always ask about me. How I was, what I was doing, how Drama Queen was, although he hadn't seen her since she was about a year old. I did happen to run into him at a local tavern one night and I was actually really happy to see him. We were both alone and we sat and drank and talked until the wee hours of the morning, just catching up in everything. I was so happy to see that he was making a good life for himself after getting out. Little did I know that wouldn't last...
Apparently, while he was incarcerated, he developed a heroin addiction. He kicked it before he got out, with the help of a little methadone (sp?), but we all know that once an addict, always an addict, and it proved to be true in his case too. He couldn't stay away...And he was running with people who wouldn't help him stay away...And I didn't know any of this until yesterday. He died Saturday night or Sunday morning...No one is for certain exactly when. Found him at the bottom of the stairs in the house he was sharing with his current addict-girlfriend. Obituary said natural causes. Closest thing I can come up with is drug induced heart attack. Sounds logical, right? Guess I'll never know for sure. I tried to call his brother, but he didn't know anything else, either, and his mother is no fucking help what-so-ever. That stupid bitch had him cremated, and had the ashes buried next to her mother and is not having any sort of memorial service at all. She sure as hell didn't want anything to do with him while he was alive, so why fuck with him after he's gone, right? I sure hope I never run into her in public, because I can't say that I would be able to control myself.
All in all, despite his faults, he truly was a great guy. Yeah, he made a lot of bad choices in his time. And, yes, he was an adult and responsible for the choices that he made. I never once heard him blame anyone else for his going to prison. He knew what he did was wrong and he knew that he had to pay for his crime. But he was also a very kind and caring individual. He was there for me when I needed him the most, and I will never forget that. Unfortunately, I will never have the opportunity to tell him how much that meant to me. Or how sorry I am that I couldn't re-pay the favor and be there for him. Maybe he wouldn't have reached out to me, who knows? After all, a lot of years had passed since we had been close. But I would like to think that he still knew how much I cared. His death has once again made me realize how important it is for me to make sure that my friends and loved ones know how I feel about them...Because LIFE IS TOO SHORT!!