Pot calling the kettle black...

Ok, I've had enough of the bullshit. The Ex called me a whore tonight. That is taking things too far. The reason he is giving me for being so angry with me for dating Truck Driver is that I haven't made things right with him yet. WTF?? I've been trying for the past 6 weeks to try to work things out and he won't even hear of it so how is this my fault? And how am I a whore for waiting 6 weeks to finally move on and try to meet new people when he jumped into bed with the new girlfriend the very next day after we broke up?? I have given an extra effort to keep things professional at work also, but he drags it in here too so something has to give. I hate the idea of trying to find a new job and starting all over because I will have a very hard time finding something that would start out paying me what I make now after 5 years. Plus I fucking hate job interviews. I hate trying to sell myself to a complete stranger. And I suck big time at bragging about my accomplishments and my resume sucks ass. But I don't know how much longer I can work in this environment. The logical thing would be for him to find a new job, because I make more money than he does, but he is being a complete asshole about the whole deal. I'm to the point right now where I don't care anymore. If he thinks I'm a whore, maybe I'll start acting like one. Or maybe not...I certainly don't want my 11 year old daughter to grow up thinking that promiscuity is a good thing. But then again, as long as I limit myself to one partner, that's not bad, right? Alright, I'll quit...I gotta get to work anyhow...

Something has to give here

I'm going to have to be a real fucking bitch or else I am going to let The Ex drag me right back down the same path all over again...He is getting totally irate with me because Truck Driver keeps calling me while I am at work...I keep my cell phone in my pocket and I keep it on vibrate so it doesn't ring while I'm doing something, but if I'm not busy with customers when he calls, I take his calls. And if The Ex happens to be around, then that is too bad. I tried to work things out, he wasn't having it, he moved on. Now it's my turn. But he still keeps calling and chatting with me on-line and he keeps dragging me back down...And, of course, I let him do it to me every time. Aside from changing my phone number and my screen names, I don't know what else to do...Any suggestions??

One day at a time...

The Ex (formerly known as The Man) is moving in with his new girlfriend tonight. After only 6 weeks. I'm upset for multiple reasons, number one of which, I still have very deep feelings for him. I love him more than I have ever loved any man in my entire life and I probably always will. It pains me to see him making such a huge move after such a short time, but I also know that it isn't any of my business any more. We still work together and that is making everything 500 times harder than it should be. Plus he still calls all the time, outside of work and that makes things worse too. I know that I should be the bigger person and tell him to stop calling but I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy making her a little jealous. I actually met someone, too, and we get along really well and he is a super nice guy...But I really don't think he is relationship-material. Of course, it's really too early to tell for sure, and in the meantime, he will be some to keep my mind (and other things) occupied. I thought that it was really ironic that this person, who shall be referred to as the Truck Driver, came into my life on Valentines Day, of all days, and at a point in my life where I really needed someone. Turns out that we actually went to the same high school together, although he was a couple of years behind me. We didn't really know each other; I knew who he was and I think he knew who I was, but I'm not positive, but that was about it. It's funny because we actually hung out with the same crowd of people, and still didn't know each other. But we are getting to know each other now and that is all the really matters. He is sweet and funny and he makes me laugh all the time and I so badly need that right now. We originally got in touch with each other via a dating website and once I realized who he was, I gave him my number and he called the next night. Since then he has called me at least 3 or 4 times every day. He stopped into my store after we had been talking for a few days (luckily on a day that The Ex and I weren't working together) and that was the first time that he had seen me "in the flesh" since high school. I had sent him a picture so he kinda had an idea but after he came in and saw me, he left and called me a little late just to tell me that he thought I was way prettier than my picture and even though he was interested before he actually saw me, he was even more interested afterwards. We have discussed it and we both agree that there is no reason to rush into anything so we are taking things slow and just kinda seeing what happens. He also has children, although they are much younger than Drama Queen and he does not have custody, but his job prevents him from keeping them all the time. He is fortunate enough to drive for a company that keeps him home almost every night and home all weekend. In the couple of weeks that I have been getting to know him, he has only been gone overnight one time, and he has to go out at midnight tonight and won't be back until late tomorrow. He is headed for Chicago and he has actually asked me to go with him, but since I am short-staffed right now, and some one has to be home to get Drama Queen up and ready for school in the morning, I couldn't possibly go. I would love to though. It would be a great chance for us to get to know each other even better. Oh well, maybe I can work something out for next week.
Anyhow, I am pretty bummed out right now thinking about The Ex and all that crap, but I do have some high points in my life so I suppose I should focus on them right now, right? Easier said than done, I'm afraid. Well, I guess I should get some work done...More later, I'm sure.

A fresh start...

I have went through some drastic lifestyle changes recently, some not by choice. I had considered giving up blogging all together, but I decided that I really needed something or somewhere that I could pour my heart out into and keeping a blog seemed like the logical thing to do. I decided not to go back to my old one simply because there are too many memories that haunt me there; too many reminders of things that I have fucked up and lost. Therefore, I am starting all over. New man (or men, I haven't decided yet), new lifestyle, new blog. I know that there are a few of you out there that read my previous blog entries faithfully. Hopefully, I won't disappoint you this time around either. More soon.