Some of my bible-thumping family members have discovered blogging...Oh joy of joys. And I seriously thought about ending this blog, for fear of being "discovered" by the holy-rollers...
But then I woke up and realized that I don't really give a flying shit who reads this. I do this for me and me alone and if some of you out there derive any entertainment from reading about my pathetic life, then so be it. If that is the case, then stay tuned because as soon as things slow down at work, I have some MAJOR things to update everyone on!!
Have a great week...Belated Merry Christmas...Early Happy New Year in case I don't make it back...And I WILL be back soon...Promise.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Happy Turkey Day!!
Happy Turkey Day everyone...Hope you all have lots to be thankful for. I know I do. Enjoy your day and think of me tomorrow while I am suffering through my 16 hours of hell...Last year in retail...I can promise that!
Monday, October 23, 2006
We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming....
Ok, time for my monthly post...Sure seems that way, anyhow...Jeez where does the time go?? Finally got some people hired at the store....So I can stop work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, and 8 hours on Sundays....Jeez...No wonder I can't see straight.
I guess an update on the social page is in order...The younger guy didn't work out....Nice guy and all...We had fun when we went out. But he neglected to tell me that he was bi-polar AND schizophrenic...And there is only room in this relationship for one fucked up individual and that is me and my voices preceded over his. Actually, he kind of scared me, because he was very obsessive and he would call me 10 times a day as well as spending the better part of each day chatting with me on-line...It was like he had to be up my ass 24/7...I finally told him that I needed a break and that I wanted to pursue other options (No, I didn't word it exactly like that!). He took it very badly, calling me several choice names and telling me that I was just using him (Hmmm....Since I provided entertainment way more then he did, I don't see how that is possible), but he finally got the hint and stopped calling me...For about a day...Ok, maybe 2...He apparently got thrown out of his house by his roommates after we stopped seeing each other and was staying at the local Rescue Mission and he got robbed one morning and had an "episode"...The police were called and he was taken to the local looney bin, from where he placed his last phone call to me...And was told that if he didn't stop calling me, that I would have him brought up on charges of harassment and file for a restraining order if I needed to. Fortunately, I think he got the hint because I haven't heard from him in several days now. Damn, I know how to pick 'em, don't I?? Apparently all I can attract are looney mother-fuckers, 31 year old mama's boys that can't move out of Mommy's house because she "needs" him and 37 year old divorced guys with 5 kids who still lives with Mommy and Daddy because he pays so much in child support that he can't afford to live. And where are you going with this?? I don't know...Moving on...
I still hate my job, btw...It still blows ass. And we aren't even getting any cool new toys this year. Bullshit.
Hey did I tell ya I won another new Ipod. How awesome is that? I had gotten a 2 gig Nano last year for Christmas and then I won another 1 gig Nano at an awards meeting for work in April. And then, a couple weeks ago, I won a 30 gig Video Ipod from the hair salon next door to my store. How fucking cool is that?? So now I have way more storage capacity than I need and I love it. Definitely heavier than my Nano, but I love it. Don't leave home without it. My own personal opinion? If you are looking for an MP3 player, invest the extra bucks and buy an Ipod...Much more user friendly...At least I think so...Now if I was just smart enough to figure out how to transfer my Itunes from my desktop to my laptop quickly and efficiently, I'd be in business. Any help out there people?
Ok, it's 12:24 and I have a meeting all day tomorrow...I really should crash..One last thing...Got my nails done tonight...And they are smokin'...I love 'em, they turned out great. What do ya think?
Guess the picture didn't turn out as well as I had hoped...They are black with little skulls airbrushed on them. Awesome.
I guess an update on the social page is in order...The younger guy didn't work out....Nice guy and all...We had fun when we went out. But he neglected to tell me that he was bi-polar AND schizophrenic...And there is only room in this relationship for one fucked up individual and that is me and my voices preceded over his. Actually, he kind of scared me, because he was very obsessive and he would call me 10 times a day as well as spending the better part of each day chatting with me on-line...It was like he had to be up my ass 24/7...I finally told him that I needed a break and that I wanted to pursue other options (No, I didn't word it exactly like that!). He took it very badly, calling me several choice names and telling me that I was just using him (Hmmm....Since I provided entertainment way more then he did, I don't see how that is possible), but he finally got the hint and stopped calling me...For about a day...Ok, maybe 2...He apparently got thrown out of his house by his roommates after we stopped seeing each other and was staying at the local Rescue Mission and he got robbed one morning and had an "episode"...The police were called and he was taken to the local looney bin, from where he placed his last phone call to me...And was told that if he didn't stop calling me, that I would have him brought up on charges of harassment and file for a restraining order if I needed to. Fortunately, I think he got the hint because I haven't heard from him in several days now. Damn, I know how to pick 'em, don't I?? Apparently all I can attract are looney mother-fuckers, 31 year old mama's boys that can't move out of Mommy's house because she "needs" him and 37 year old divorced guys with 5 kids who still lives with Mommy and Daddy because he pays so much in child support that he can't afford to live. And where are you going with this?? I don't know...Moving on...
I still hate my job, btw...It still blows ass. And we aren't even getting any cool new toys this year. Bullshit.
Hey did I tell ya I won another new Ipod. How awesome is that? I had gotten a 2 gig Nano last year for Christmas and then I won another 1 gig Nano at an awards meeting for work in April. And then, a couple weeks ago, I won a 30 gig Video Ipod from the hair salon next door to my store. How fucking cool is that?? So now I have way more storage capacity than I need and I love it. Definitely heavier than my Nano, but I love it. Don't leave home without it. My own personal opinion? If you are looking for an MP3 player, invest the extra bucks and buy an Ipod...Much more user friendly...At least I think so...Now if I was just smart enough to figure out how to transfer my Itunes from my desktop to my laptop quickly and efficiently, I'd be in business. Any help out there people?
Ok, it's 12:24 and I have a meeting all day tomorrow...I really should crash..One last thing...Got my nails done tonight...And they are smokin'...I love 'em, they turned out great. What do ya think?
Guess the picture didn't turn out as well as I had hoped...They are black with little skulls airbrushed on them. Awesome.
Monday, September 25, 2006
For your entertainment pleasure
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Too tired to care...
Date went ok last night...Nice guy. Not sure how well I can trust him though...He kept contradiction himself last night. Like, he would tell me something and then a little while later, we would be talking about something else and he would tell me something else that made the first thing not make any sense. Whatever, I know he was nervous and all...So I won't let my first impressions get the best of me. Plus we were quite drunk and that might have had something to do with it. We hit a few bars and shot some pool, even though I suck terribly badly, and threw a few darts, which is something I haven't done in a long time and we drank A LOT of beer. Ended up back at his place, against my better judgment, but there was no way I could have driven home...We sat on the couch to watch a movie and I passed out for a few hours...Ended up rolling in about 6 this morning. Damn...I'm too old for this shit.
Inventory tonight at the store. Went ok...Got done WAY earlier than I thought we would. Good thing, too, since I was out way too late last night...Time for bed!! Later on...
Inventory tonight at the store. Went ok...Got done WAY earlier than I thought we would. Good thing, too, since I was out way too late last night...Time for bed!! Later on...
Friday, September 22, 2006
Improvements...
On the family front:
Pappy might get to come home next week. He's been up walking the halls, with assistance, of course, and if it wasn't for the fact that he is extremely religious and very devoted to my granny, he would probably be chasing the nurses around too!
On the job front:
Still working 70 hours a week. Have submitted several job applications, including a few with rival companies, because a girls' gotta do what a girls' gotta do, right? Had a furniture company call and offer me an interview for a sales position, but after giving it much thought, I turned them down. The reason is because they have a straight commission based pay scale, and while I am very confidant in my abilities, I'm a little Leary about a straight commission salary. If it was just me, I might feel differently, but it's not just me, I have Drama Queen to think about, and I don't budget my money well enough. Also, have actually had an interview with a rival company, but I don't know what's going on with that yet. I'd like to have that job, but I'm not getting my hopes up too high. My boss and I had a big showdown this week too...He found out that I was looking for a job and that I had an interview and he wanted to know what was going on. I told him the truth...No sense in lying about it. I told him that I was tired of working 70 hours a week and getting paid for 40 and I was tired of him telling me that it wasn't his problem every time I asked him for help. That went over well. Not. He tried to lay a guilt trip on me, saying that this was the worst time of the year for me to leave the company, because we are on the verge of the holiday season. He said that if I decided to leave, that he would have no choice but to code me as not rehirable for leaving during the last three months of the year. The only thing that I interpreted this to mean was that things are not going to be getting any better any time soon, because we will start staying open later and start getting more and more merchandise as we get closer to Christmas, so that means I will probably continue working this many hours up through December. Guess what? Not gonna happen. I assured him that I would give him plenty of notice before I left, but that I couldn't tell him yes I'm leaving or no, I'm gonna stick it out. I did tell him that he would be the first to know, and I almost half-expect him to replace me in the upcoming week. The good thing about that is, if he fires me, he has to pay me for the 3 weeks of vacation time that I have earned this year, so whatever. Fire me, please. Break my heart.
On the personal front:
What personal front?? Like I have time for a personal life. Actually, I did meet a very nice young man the other day and he is taking me out tomorrow night. The only reason I get to go out on a date is because Drama Queen is going to a slumber party tomorrow at a friends house. I'm kinda glad she's going...Not that I don't love my daughter dearly and enjoy every moment that we get to spend together, but I need MOMMY time too...And, although we just met, Robby seems really nice. He's 27, so I'm taking a page from my homegirl's book and going for a younger man this time. Unusual for me, as I have always went for older guys...Until The Ex and I hooked up anyhow...He is 2 1/2 yrs younger than me. Since he and I split in January, I have only dated one guy that was my age or older. Seems like I can't find a man my age or older that can keep up with me.
Anyways, I guess that's it for now. I'm gonna go enjoy this thunderstorm. Later peeps.
Pappy might get to come home next week. He's been up walking the halls, with assistance, of course, and if it wasn't for the fact that he is extremely religious and very devoted to my granny, he would probably be chasing the nurses around too!
On the job front:
Still working 70 hours a week. Have submitted several job applications, including a few with rival companies, because a girls' gotta do what a girls' gotta do, right? Had a furniture company call and offer me an interview for a sales position, but after giving it much thought, I turned them down. The reason is because they have a straight commission based pay scale, and while I am very confidant in my abilities, I'm a little Leary about a straight commission salary. If it was just me, I might feel differently, but it's not just me, I have Drama Queen to think about, and I don't budget my money well enough. Also, have actually had an interview with a rival company, but I don't know what's going on with that yet. I'd like to have that job, but I'm not getting my hopes up too high. My boss and I had a big showdown this week too...He found out that I was looking for a job and that I had an interview and he wanted to know what was going on. I told him the truth...No sense in lying about it. I told him that I was tired of working 70 hours a week and getting paid for 40 and I was tired of him telling me that it wasn't his problem every time I asked him for help. That went over well. Not. He tried to lay a guilt trip on me, saying that this was the worst time of the year for me to leave the company, because we are on the verge of the holiday season. He said that if I decided to leave, that he would have no choice but to code me as not rehirable for leaving during the last three months of the year. The only thing that I interpreted this to mean was that things are not going to be getting any better any time soon, because we will start staying open later and start getting more and more merchandise as we get closer to Christmas, so that means I will probably continue working this many hours up through December. Guess what? Not gonna happen. I assured him that I would give him plenty of notice before I left, but that I couldn't tell him yes I'm leaving or no, I'm gonna stick it out. I did tell him that he would be the first to know, and I almost half-expect him to replace me in the upcoming week. The good thing about that is, if he fires me, he has to pay me for the 3 weeks of vacation time that I have earned this year, so whatever. Fire me, please. Break my heart.
On the personal front:
What personal front?? Like I have time for a personal life. Actually, I did meet a very nice young man the other day and he is taking me out tomorrow night. The only reason I get to go out on a date is because Drama Queen is going to a slumber party tomorrow at a friends house. I'm kinda glad she's going...Not that I don't love my daughter dearly and enjoy every moment that we get to spend together, but I need MOMMY time too...And, although we just met, Robby seems really nice. He's 27, so I'm taking a page from my homegirl's book and going for a younger man this time. Unusual for me, as I have always went for older guys...Until The Ex and I hooked up anyhow...He is 2 1/2 yrs younger than me. Since he and I split in January, I have only dated one guy that was my age or older. Seems like I can't find a man my age or older that can keep up with me.
Anyways, I guess that's it for now. I'm gonna go enjoy this thunderstorm. Later peeps.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Oooo look...Shiny thing...
I have the attention span of a 2 year old these days. Can't seem to find anything that holds my interest for more than 20 or 30 seconds.
See??....Where was I?
Oh my gosh, I need a new job. 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, and then 8 hours on Sunday...This is bullshit.
Found this picture today:
Lovely, isn't it?
Or how about this one:
This is the story of my life:
I'm not even kidding.
My favorite:
Good night.
See??....Where was I?
Oh my gosh, I need a new job. 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, and then 8 hours on Sunday...This is bullshit.
Found this picture today:
Lovely, isn't it?
Or how about this one:
This is the story of my life:
I'm not even kidding.
My favorite:
Good night.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Frightening
Ok, I went to a big party last night at some friends of my parents house...It was your typical Labor Day family party...3 or 4 kegs of beer, hog roast, everybody bring something to share, kids running all over the place, teenagers sneaking beer...You know, the typical American backyard bash. Good time, got to see a bunch of people that I hadn't seen in a long time...And some that I prefer to not see for a very long time...You know...
Anyhow....
It was pretty cool, everybody was sitting around and talking and having a good time...Until the college boys started getting drunk...
These boys are professional beer drinkers...That's what they go to college for around here...I'm pretty sure every college in Indiana offers a class in professional beer drinking...So, it stands to reason that there would eventually be keg-stands going on at some point in the night. For those of you that do not know what a keg-stand is, the keg-stander is held upside-down, with the assistance of 2 or 3 other people...This is usually best accomplished against a wall or some other solid surface. Someone else puts the nozzle from the keg into the upside-down person's mouth and turns it on and the upside-down person drinks until they can't drink anymore...What fun, huh?? Apparently, this causes a very serious blood-rushing-to-your-brain buzz...I wouldn't know, I've never done it. It seemed ok, you know, they are college boys, they do this every weekend...Whatever. It was all good until they started getting the older men involved also...55 year old men doing keg stands is not a pretty sight. Especially when it is 10 o'clock at night and they started drinking at 10 o'clock the night before. And, I gotta give these guys some credit, they have probably drank 10 times as much beer as these little college boys...But not while standing on their heads...Scary shit.
One a lighter note, Pappy has been moved to a re-hab unit in the hospital. He is doing so much better...We truly couldn't ask for better progress considering we though we were gonna lose him 2 weeks ago.
Alright, children, time for bed...Gotta work tomorrow...Yippie fucking skippy.
Anyhow....
It was pretty cool, everybody was sitting around and talking and having a good time...Until the college boys started getting drunk...
These boys are professional beer drinkers...That's what they go to college for around here...I'm pretty sure every college in Indiana offers a class in professional beer drinking...So, it stands to reason that there would eventually be keg-stands going on at some point in the night. For those of you that do not know what a keg-stand is, the keg-stander is held upside-down, with the assistance of 2 or 3 other people...This is usually best accomplished against a wall or some other solid surface. Someone else puts the nozzle from the keg into the upside-down person's mouth and turns it on and the upside-down person drinks until they can't drink anymore...What fun, huh?? Apparently, this causes a very serious blood-rushing-to-your-brain buzz...I wouldn't know, I've never done it. It seemed ok, you know, they are college boys, they do this every weekend...Whatever. It was all good until they started getting the older men involved also...55 year old men doing keg stands is not a pretty sight. Especially when it is 10 o'clock at night and they started drinking at 10 o'clock the night before. And, I gotta give these guys some credit, they have probably drank 10 times as much beer as these little college boys...But not while standing on their heads...Scary shit.
One a lighter note, Pappy has been moved to a re-hab unit in the hospital. He is doing so much better...We truly couldn't ask for better progress considering we though we were gonna lose him 2 weeks ago.
Alright, children, time for bed...Gotta work tomorrow...Yippie fucking skippy.
Monday, August 28, 2006
I wanna a new drug...
Fuck, where does the time go?? I gotta get a new job, I work way too many hours for no more than I get paid. Drama Queen started junior high this year and I haven't been home to help her with her homework at all so far! This is ridiculous.
On a lighter note, Pappy is doing LOTS better...They moved him out of CCU late last week and he is finally awake and coherent. Not completely back to his old self, but that will take some time. He is at least coherent enough to know who everyone is and he was asking about some friends of theirs that had been having some troubles before he went into his surgery, so he is still pretty with it. DQ and I went up there last night since I didn't make it up for his birthday on Saturday and that was the first time that he had talked to me and knew who I was. He claims to not be in pain too much, but I find that hard to believe...Maybe he just doesn't realize it yet. Let's hope he doesn't at all. Granny said they got him out of bed yesterday and he stood up for a few minutes but he still isn't able to get his feet moving yet, so hopefully that will happen soon. In the meantime, they have him in a machine several times during the day that bends his legs back and forth so that he won't lose mobility, since knee surgery is what he was in there in the first place for.
Alright, kiddies, I'm outta here...Cleaned up my entertainment center last night and hooked the PS2 back up so now I am off to murder some people, just for the fun of it. Night ya'll.
On a lighter note, Pappy is doing LOTS better...They moved him out of CCU late last week and he is finally awake and coherent. Not completely back to his old self, but that will take some time. He is at least coherent enough to know who everyone is and he was asking about some friends of theirs that had been having some troubles before he went into his surgery, so he is still pretty with it. DQ and I went up there last night since I didn't make it up for his birthday on Saturday and that was the first time that he had talked to me and knew who I was. He claims to not be in pain too much, but I find that hard to believe...Maybe he just doesn't realize it yet. Let's hope he doesn't at all. Granny said they got him out of bed yesterday and he stood up for a few minutes but he still isn't able to get his feet moving yet, so hopefully that will happen soon. In the meantime, they have him in a machine several times during the day that bends his legs back and forth so that he won't lose mobility, since knee surgery is what he was in there in the first place for.
Alright, kiddies, I'm outta here...Cleaned up my entertainment center last night and hooked the PS2 back up so now I am off to murder some people, just for the fun of it. Night ya'll.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Just do it
If you don't already know who these guys are, check them out. Great tunes. My personal favs are In Fate's Hands and Face Down. Awesome.
More improvements...
Pappy is doing a little better today. Saturday is his 77th birthday and their 56th wedding anniversary. Grammy told us yesterday that all she wanted for their anniversary was for Pappy to wake up and tell her he loved her. Well, she didn't exactly get her wish yet, but close...
My mom took her home last night so she could sleep in her own bed and so she could go get her hair done early this morning before she went back over to the hospital. When they got over there, they all went back in his room to see him and she walked over to the bed and asked him if he was awake. He turned his head and opened his eyes for a second or two and looked at her and when she asked him if he knew who she was, he nodded his head and pointed at his cheek. She asked him if he was asking for a kiss and he grinned and nodded his head again. This was the first time that he had acted like he knew who she was. She was so excited...You should have seen her face. I was so happy for her. Things are looking brighter...
My mom took her home last night so she could sleep in her own bed and so she could go get her hair done early this morning before she went back over to the hospital. When they got over there, they all went back in his room to see him and she walked over to the bed and asked him if he was awake. He turned his head and opened his eyes for a second or two and looked at her and when she asked him if he knew who she was, he nodded his head and pointed at his cheek. She asked him if he was asking for a kiss and he grinned and nodded his head again. This was the first time that he had acted like he knew who she was. She was so excited...You should have seen her face. I was so happy for her. Things are looking brighter...
Sunday, August 20, 2006
A little better...
Went to the hospital after work tonight...Not anywhere near being out of the woods yet, but showing some improvements...Not fully awake, but opening his eyes for a couple seconds and responding when someone asks him a question. Sometimes, you can't make out what he says, but he keeps saying "yeah" and "no" and he said hi to me when I told him who I was. He told my mom that he didn't feel any better...That brought tears to my eyes...I was just so happy that he was responding in some way, because we were beginning to think he was lost. So, certainly not out of the woods, but better than a couple days ago...
Headache...Need sleep....
Headache...Need sleep....
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Oh man...
My Pappy is not good. Went to the hospital after work. It's real bad...He isn't responding and he's been out of surgery for over 48 hours now with no pain medication. The Doc won't give him anything unless he wakes up and asks for it because narcotics will make him sleep more. But he did wince like he was in pain today when the physical therapist moved his legs around and bent his knees. But he isn't opening his eyes and he isn't doing anything else...He is breathing on his own and his heart rate and blood pressure seem to be normal. They can't explain it, though, and that is making everyone crazy. I was supposed to go away on a business trip next Tuesday through Wednesday, but I'm not going. My boss will love that. Not that I really care right now...I'm not fortunate enough to have an significant other to take care of my child while I am gone and my mother doesn't need anymore to worry about. And besides that, if something were to happen while I'm gone, the company won't pay to fly me home unless I wait and come home with everyone else and if something tragic happens, I'm gonna want to come home NOW. So, I'm just not gonna go. So, maybe by this time tomorrow, I'll be unemployed. What fun.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Oh good Lord...
My Pappy had knee surgery yesterday. On both knees. At the same time. He's in his late 70's. Oh, yeah...They think the stress of the surgery may have caused him to have a mild stroke. Nice. He seemed to come out of everything alright yesterday, even joking with Granny that he would be 6 inches taller now that his legs wouldn't be bowed out and he could stand up straight. He ate dinner last night and everything seemed to be ok, so Granny went to Auntie's house to spend the night so she would be close by in the morning. No problems, right? Right.
So, morning rolls around and I go to work, and I'm there like 10 minutes and my mom calls to tell me that she is on her way to the hospital because they moved Pappy from the orthopedic wing to CCU because they thought he had a heart attack during the night. Lovely. I asked Mom if she wanted me to come over there and she said no, that they wouldn't let me in to see him anyhow until they figured out what was wrong. She said she would keep me posted. Ok, no problem.
Around 2 she calls me back to tell me that the tests they ran on his heart came back fine and that he didn't have a heart attack...Thank God for that. But they didn't know what had happened...Evidentially, he hasn't woke up since last night for more than a few seconds at a time and he isn't responding verbally. He responds when they tell him to squeeze their hands or wiggles his toes when they scratch the bottom of his foot and stuff like that, but he hasn't spoken at all. Granny is all worried...Mom and Auntie and Uncles are worried...Grandkids are all worried. Docs say it's ok...His heart tests came back fine, his brain scans are coming back fine...No explanation for what is going on. Exhaustion, one Doc says. Exhaustion? WTF? I realize that he is an old man and that kind of surgery can be very stressful, but to sleep for almost 24 hours with no pain medicine after having both of your knees replaced?? C'mon...I'm no medical expert, but somethin' ain't right.
I'll keep ya'll posted. Keep us in your thoughts.
So, morning rolls around and I go to work, and I'm there like 10 minutes and my mom calls to tell me that she is on her way to the hospital because they moved Pappy from the orthopedic wing to CCU because they thought he had a heart attack during the night. Lovely. I asked Mom if she wanted me to come over there and she said no, that they wouldn't let me in to see him anyhow until they figured out what was wrong. She said she would keep me posted. Ok, no problem.
Around 2 she calls me back to tell me that the tests they ran on his heart came back fine and that he didn't have a heart attack...Thank God for that. But they didn't know what had happened...Evidentially, he hasn't woke up since last night for more than a few seconds at a time and he isn't responding verbally. He responds when they tell him to squeeze their hands or wiggles his toes when they scratch the bottom of his foot and stuff like that, but he hasn't spoken at all. Granny is all worried...Mom and Auntie and Uncles are worried...Grandkids are all worried. Docs say it's ok...His heart tests came back fine, his brain scans are coming back fine...No explanation for what is going on. Exhaustion, one Doc says. Exhaustion? WTF? I realize that he is an old man and that kind of surgery can be very stressful, but to sleep for almost 24 hours with no pain medicine after having both of your knees replaced?? C'mon...I'm no medical expert, but somethin' ain't right.
I'll keep ya'll posted. Keep us in your thoughts.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Wonderful
Ok, time for a little ranting and raving...I was reading one of Buckwheat's latest posts tonight and it sparked something and I have to get this off my chest. He was talking about how he and his wife can't get any assistance from the state that they live in to help support their pregnant daughter. Evidentially, the only way the state will help her is if they kick her and the baby to the curb...Which I find to be incredibly ridiculous.
The reason this struck a cord with me is because I know TONS of people that take advantage of the system...Women that keep popping out kids just so they can stay on welfare and it drives me FUCKING NUTS when I get behind someone at the grocery store with a cartload of junk food and pop and they pay with food stamps. I'm not opposed to people that need assistance...Everyone falls on hard times now and then...I've done it, I have several friends that have done it. Why is it so hard for the government to change the programs to help people that really need it? How is kicking a 17 year old and her newborn out in the streets going to make things better? How do all these people get to keep receiving assistance? The last time I was that down and out that I needed help, I was told that there was a time limit that I could receive assistance from the state. Ok, that's not a problem...At least I have some help keeping the lights on and food on the table until I get back on my feet. And why do all these men keep getting away with not paying child support? My ex-husband is a prime example. As of this very moment, he is close to $20000 behind in support...And I saw him walking the streets a couple weeks ago. I don't think that he needs to be in jail because then I would have to support his worthless ass, but something needs to happen. I have a very close friend who had recently lost her job, and was told by the state that she would have to give up her child support in exchange for $80 a month. $80 a month?? Are you kidding me?? Has no one in our government ever raised children?? I understand that welfare is supposed to be a temporary solution, but still. What a joke.
Ok, I'm done bitching for now.
Have a nice day!!
The reason this struck a cord with me is because I know TONS of people that take advantage of the system...Women that keep popping out kids just so they can stay on welfare and it drives me FUCKING NUTS when I get behind someone at the grocery store with a cartload of junk food and pop and they pay with food stamps. I'm not opposed to people that need assistance...Everyone falls on hard times now and then...I've done it, I have several friends that have done it. Why is it so hard for the government to change the programs to help people that really need it? How is kicking a 17 year old and her newborn out in the streets going to make things better? How do all these people get to keep receiving assistance? The last time I was that down and out that I needed help, I was told that there was a time limit that I could receive assistance from the state. Ok, that's not a problem...At least I have some help keeping the lights on and food on the table until I get back on my feet. And why do all these men keep getting away with not paying child support? My ex-husband is a prime example. As of this very moment, he is close to $20000 behind in support...And I saw him walking the streets a couple weeks ago. I don't think that he needs to be in jail because then I would have to support his worthless ass, but something needs to happen. I have a very close friend who had recently lost her job, and was told by the state that she would have to give up her child support in exchange for $80 a month. $80 a month?? Are you kidding me?? Has no one in our government ever raised children?? I understand that welfare is supposed to be a temporary solution, but still. What a joke.
Ok, I'm done bitching for now.
Have a nice day!!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
White Trash Hall of Fame
Drama Queen and I made it this weekend...Yep, we made the White Trash Hall of Fame...Sunday, to be exact. Pull up a chair...I'll tell ya the story.
Sunday, I spent most of the morning flirting on-line with my newest crush, who is WAY cute and drives a Harley, in between doing loads of laundry. I had to run to Wal-Mart because my sister used all the laundry soap and fabric softener and no one bothered to tell me that we were out while until I had a washer full of clothes and no soap to add to it, and DQ was bored, so she went with me. It was pretty hot out Sunday and DQ asked me if we could leave the windows down so it wouldn't be so hot when we came back out and I said no, but we could leave the sunroof open, which I never ever do, but we did it on Sunday. Ok, so we go in to Wally World and get what we need and we are walking back out to the car and I am digging in my purse for my car keys and they aren't there!! Oh shit, what the hell did I do with my keys??? Oh, fuck, don't tell me I locked them in the damn car?? Sure enough, I locked my keys in my car. Now, let me tell you, I am stupid enough to have one of those fancy cars that you can't open without the keys, so calling the cops to break into my car would have been pointless. Also, I lost my spare set about 6 months ago and still haven't made any effort to go get a replacement set, just in case I was ever stupid enough to lock my keys in my car. Yeah.
Ok, so I'm standing there getting more and more pissed by the minute, and DQ says, "mom, why don't you reach in through the sunroof and grab the keys and open the doors?" Great idea. One small problem...I DRIVE AN SUV!!! Alright, so we are standing in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot, on a Sunday afternoon, when there are a minimum of half the people in town shopping, and I am trying to boost my 12 year old daughter up onto the hood of our car so that she can climb over the windshield and crawl up on the roof and reach through and grab the keys. All these people were staring at us as they walked by and all I could do was stand there and smile and hope and pray that DQ didn't drop the keys when she pulled them out of the ignition. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. Thankfully she didn't drop the keys and we opened the doors and loaded up our stuff and went home. And, of course, DQ had to tell everyone that we can in contact with what had happened. Mortified, I was.
Sunday, I spent most of the morning flirting on-line with my newest crush, who is WAY cute and drives a Harley, in between doing loads of laundry. I had to run to Wal-Mart because my sister used all the laundry soap and fabric softener and no one bothered to tell me that we were out while until I had a washer full of clothes and no soap to add to it, and DQ was bored, so she went with me. It was pretty hot out Sunday and DQ asked me if we could leave the windows down so it wouldn't be so hot when we came back out and I said no, but we could leave the sunroof open, which I never ever do, but we did it on Sunday. Ok, so we go in to Wally World and get what we need and we are walking back out to the car and I am digging in my purse for my car keys and they aren't there!! Oh shit, what the hell did I do with my keys??? Oh, fuck, don't tell me I locked them in the damn car?? Sure enough, I locked my keys in my car. Now, let me tell you, I am stupid enough to have one of those fancy cars that you can't open without the keys, so calling the cops to break into my car would have been pointless. Also, I lost my spare set about 6 months ago and still haven't made any effort to go get a replacement set, just in case I was ever stupid enough to lock my keys in my car. Yeah.
Ok, so I'm standing there getting more and more pissed by the minute, and DQ says, "mom, why don't you reach in through the sunroof and grab the keys and open the doors?" Great idea. One small problem...I DRIVE AN SUV!!! Alright, so we are standing in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot, on a Sunday afternoon, when there are a minimum of half the people in town shopping, and I am trying to boost my 12 year old daughter up onto the hood of our car so that she can climb over the windshield and crawl up on the roof and reach through and grab the keys. All these people were staring at us as they walked by and all I could do was stand there and smile and hope and pray that DQ didn't drop the keys when she pulled them out of the ignition. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. Thankfully she didn't drop the keys and we opened the doors and loaded up our stuff and went home. And, of course, DQ had to tell everyone that we can in contact with what had happened. Mortified, I was.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Totally Rad
I just read on Yahoo Movies that Tenacious D has a movie coming out in November!! How awesome is that?? I love Jack Black...He is by far one of the best comedy actors today. He rocks!!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Please help me before I lose my mind...
Took Drama Queen to the library last Thursday, which, I am ashamed to admit, is the first time all summer that we have been there. Borrowed The Colorado Kid, which is a recent Stephen King novel, and you all know how much I love Stephen King...I think I was disappointed with that one though. Certainly not nearly enough to stop reading his books...Let's not be silly now. Just unsure, I guess. The jury is still out. If any of you out there have read any good books this summer, I am very open to suggestions. I found myself quite lost as I was browsing around, very uncertain of what to borrow. I've already went through my own personal Stephen King collection and read everything at least twice. I would also like to make a suggestion of my own here...Even if you aren't a Stephen King fan, you should check out The Eyes of the Dragon. Not one of his better known works of art, but a very good read. One of my favorites, actually, next to the Gunslinger/Dark Tower series and Pet Semetary, of course, because that was my first!
Found another funny T-shirt while browsing the web for a gift for a friend. Fucking love this one! I actually think this is the one I'm getting him. He'll love it!
Just remember folks, it's all in fun.
Ok, I'm done. Keep those book suggestions coming!
Found another funny T-shirt while browsing the web for a gift for a friend. Fucking love this one! I actually think this is the one I'm getting him. He'll love it!
Just remember folks, it's all in fun.
Ok, I'm done. Keep those book suggestions coming!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
I'm melting....
Fuck, it's hot. I hate this time of year. Bullshit. Might rain tonight...Hopefully it will cool things off enough that I can actually get some damn sleep.
Doubt though.
Went to the doctor today for my annual check-up...What fun was that?? I shouldn't say annual, because I haven't been in over 5 years. Went to a new doc, too. My mom, who works at the local hospital, recommended him to me, so I called and made an appointment and they were able to work me in right away, which was cool...Get it over with, right? What she neglected to tell me was that he was SMOKIN' HOT!!! How messed up is that?? It's not bad enough that you are splayed out on a table with nothing over you but a flimsy paper sheet, with your feet in stirrups and your snatch on display for the whole world to see, but then the doc has to be smokin' hot and you get all distracted and shit...I know, I'm a sick bitch. He was fucking hot, though.
Smokin' hot.
Alright, gotta cut this short...Mama's car won't start and she needs a ride home in 20 minutes, then I need to pour my melted ass into bed. 'Night ya'll.
Doubt though.
Went to the doctor today for my annual check-up...What fun was that?? I shouldn't say annual, because I haven't been in over 5 years. Went to a new doc, too. My mom, who works at the local hospital, recommended him to me, so I called and made an appointment and they were able to work me in right away, which was cool...Get it over with, right? What she neglected to tell me was that he was SMOKIN' HOT!!! How messed up is that?? It's not bad enough that you are splayed out on a table with nothing over you but a flimsy paper sheet, with your feet in stirrups and your snatch on display for the whole world to see, but then the doc has to be smokin' hot and you get all distracted and shit...I know, I'm a sick bitch. He was fucking hot, though.
Smokin' hot.
Alright, gotta cut this short...Mama's car won't start and she needs a ride home in 20 minutes, then I need to pour my melted ass into bed. 'Night ya'll.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Back to the front
Back to work in the morning. So much for my week of vacation. I need to go back to work so I can get some rest!! I'm not kidding...I'm fucking exhausted.
Took Drama Queen shopping this afternoon. We both got some new sneakers, she got a nice new hoodie, and a couple pairs of jeans, and we bought her some new bras for school. My friend and her son went with us and we went into this one store because the kind of jeans he likes were on sale for $15 off regular price, and she wanted to get him a couple pairs before school started. We were looking through the novelty t-shirts in the men's department and I saw the funniest damn t-shirt I've seen in a long time:
I thought it was awesome. If my friend's kid wasn't only 15, I would have bought it for him. Actually, I was going to buy one for my Indian friend and send it to him, but they only had size large, and there's no way in hell his skinny ass would have been able to wear it. I had to call him and tell him about it though. We got a good laugh out of it. I miss him so bad.
Alright, I gotta crash. I'm so damn tired, I won't even be able to sleep. Insomnia is bullshit.
Took Drama Queen shopping this afternoon. We both got some new sneakers, she got a nice new hoodie, and a couple pairs of jeans, and we bought her some new bras for school. My friend and her son went with us and we went into this one store because the kind of jeans he likes were on sale for $15 off regular price, and she wanted to get him a couple pairs before school started. We were looking through the novelty t-shirts in the men's department and I saw the funniest damn t-shirt I've seen in a long time:
I thought it was awesome. If my friend's kid wasn't only 15, I would have bought it for him. Actually, I was going to buy one for my Indian friend and send it to him, but they only had size large, and there's no way in hell his skinny ass would have been able to wear it. I had to call him and tell him about it though. We got a good laugh out of it. I miss him so bad.
Alright, I gotta crash. I'm so damn tired, I won't even be able to sleep. Insomnia is bullshit.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
At least I will miss you
I lost a good friend this past week. Well, former good friend, I should say, since I haven't talked to him in 3 years. I met this person at a time in my life when I really needed a good friend to lean on and he totally came through for me. Yes, he had his faults (some REALLY big ones, at that), but he was ultimately the one that encouraged me to get out of my first (and only, for that matter) marriage, when my ex-husband was beating the crap out of me on a regular basis. I actually met him prior to my wedding, and he tried like hell to convince me that things would not get better and that, regardless of what my ex-hubby said, I was worthy of someone that would love and cherish me and not use me for a punching bag. Obviously, I didn't listen to him, and when I finally realized that I had to get out, he never once said "I told you so." He only did what good friends do, and that was support my decision and be there when I needed him, no matter what I needed him for. He came to my apartment and changed the locks when I decided that I had to get out and he sat with me while my ex pounded on the door, trying to get in, and then, when he finally left, he stayed until I fell asleep and then called me several times a day to encourage me to stay strong and stick to my decision, because it was the right thing to do. Shortly after all this went down, he got into some serious trouble and wound up going to prison for several years. I wrote him a couple of times, but when he refused to put me on his visitors list so I could come and see him, I got angry and stopped answering his letters. And then, when he finally came home, I refused to see him. Because I felt like he had abandoned me. But I was the one who abandoned him. I wish that I had been more mature then and I maybe I would have realized that his not wanting me to visit wasn't because he didn't want to see me, but because he wanted to protect me. He didn't want to think of me seeing him in a place like that. He was embarrassed and ashamed by what he had done. And he didn't want to think that I could possibly be putting myself in harms way by visiting him there. But I was an immature, selfish little bitch who couldn't see that at the time.
When he got out, he didn't try to make contact but he knew my parents and when he would run into them, he would always ask about me. How I was, what I was doing, how Drama Queen was, although he hadn't seen her since she was about a year old. I did happen to run into him at a local tavern one night and I was actually really happy to see him. We were both alone and we sat and drank and talked until the wee hours of the morning, just catching up in everything. I was so happy to see that he was making a good life for himself after getting out. Little did I know that wouldn't last...
Apparently, while he was incarcerated, he developed a heroin addiction. He kicked it before he got out, with the help of a little methadone (sp?), but we all know that once an addict, always an addict, and it proved to be true in his case too. He couldn't stay away...And he was running with people who wouldn't help him stay away...And I didn't know any of this until yesterday. He died Saturday night or Sunday morning...No one is for certain exactly when. Found him at the bottom of the stairs in the house he was sharing with his current addict-girlfriend. Obituary said natural causes. Closest thing I can come up with is drug induced heart attack. Sounds logical, right? Guess I'll never know for sure. I tried to call his brother, but he didn't know anything else, either, and his mother is no fucking help what-so-ever. That stupid bitch had him cremated, and had the ashes buried next to her mother and is not having any sort of memorial service at all. She sure as hell didn't want anything to do with him while he was alive, so why fuck with him after he's gone, right? I sure hope I never run into her in public, because I can't say that I would be able to control myself.
All in all, despite his faults, he truly was a great guy. Yeah, he made a lot of bad choices in his time. And, yes, he was an adult and responsible for the choices that he made. I never once heard him blame anyone else for his going to prison. He knew what he did was wrong and he knew that he had to pay for his crime. But he was also a very kind and caring individual. He was there for me when I needed him the most, and I will never forget that. Unfortunately, I will never have the opportunity to tell him how much that meant to me. Or how sorry I am that I couldn't re-pay the favor and be there for him. Maybe he wouldn't have reached out to me, who knows? After all, a lot of years had passed since we had been close. But I would like to think that he still knew how much I cared. His death has once again made me realize how important it is for me to make sure that my friends and loved ones know how I feel about them...Because LIFE IS TOO SHORT!!
When he got out, he didn't try to make contact but he knew my parents and when he would run into them, he would always ask about me. How I was, what I was doing, how Drama Queen was, although he hadn't seen her since she was about a year old. I did happen to run into him at a local tavern one night and I was actually really happy to see him. We were both alone and we sat and drank and talked until the wee hours of the morning, just catching up in everything. I was so happy to see that he was making a good life for himself after getting out. Little did I know that wouldn't last...
Apparently, while he was incarcerated, he developed a heroin addiction. He kicked it before he got out, with the help of a little methadone (sp?), but we all know that once an addict, always an addict, and it proved to be true in his case too. He couldn't stay away...And he was running with people who wouldn't help him stay away...And I didn't know any of this until yesterday. He died Saturday night or Sunday morning...No one is for certain exactly when. Found him at the bottom of the stairs in the house he was sharing with his current addict-girlfriend. Obituary said natural causes. Closest thing I can come up with is drug induced heart attack. Sounds logical, right? Guess I'll never know for sure. I tried to call his brother, but he didn't know anything else, either, and his mother is no fucking help what-so-ever. That stupid bitch had him cremated, and had the ashes buried next to her mother and is not having any sort of memorial service at all. She sure as hell didn't want anything to do with him while he was alive, so why fuck with him after he's gone, right? I sure hope I never run into her in public, because I can't say that I would be able to control myself.
All in all, despite his faults, he truly was a great guy. Yeah, he made a lot of bad choices in his time. And, yes, he was an adult and responsible for the choices that he made. I never once heard him blame anyone else for his going to prison. He knew what he did was wrong and he knew that he had to pay for his crime. But he was also a very kind and caring individual. He was there for me when I needed him the most, and I will never forget that. Unfortunately, I will never have the opportunity to tell him how much that meant to me. Or how sorry I am that I couldn't re-pay the favor and be there for him. Maybe he wouldn't have reached out to me, who knows? After all, a lot of years had passed since we had been close. But I would like to think that he still knew how much I cared. His death has once again made me realize how important it is for me to make sure that my friends and loved ones know how I feel about them...Because LIFE IS TOO SHORT!!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Keep him tied it makes him well
Where the hell did this month go??? And where the hell was I while it was passing by???
Birthday sucked dick. I was home in bed with a migraine by 6 o'clock that night. What a way to spend a birthday, huh? I'm so pathetic. Not a big deal, really, the Vicoden helped kick it and by 10 o'clock, I was feeling better. Drama Queen and I watched The Hills Have Eyes together for the remainder of the night. Not a bad movie. Not all that I thought it was gonna be, but it was ok. DQ hid under the covers for most of it. Still haven't watched Hostel yet. Heard that wasn't all it was hyped up to be either.
Concert was awesome, of course. Someone that I had never heard of, Scooter Jennings, was the opening act and he was good, and then 3 Doors Down played and they were awesome. Lynard Skynard rocked the place, of course. I expected no less. They played several songs and then they had Scooter and 3 Doors Down come back out and sing Sweet Home Alabama with them and then they all went off stage like they were done, but of course, they weren't. They came back out and did Free Bird and it was fucking awesome. They took that little 4 or 5 minute song and just kept on playing it and I swear it went on for 10 minutes at least. It was cool as hell. We even got lucky because it had rained off and on all day long, but about 20 minutes before we got there, it quit and it never started back up again until we were well on our way home. We had stopped on the way down there and bought some rain ponchos just in case and we ended up sitting on them for a while, and then the guys rented some chairs for us to sit on. The only chairs they will let you use there are the low-backed beach chairs so every time I went to sit down, I felt like I was falling, but it was alright. Lots and lots of drunk stupid people, too. There was one guy that we kept seeing that was drunker then hell, walking around in his socks, carrying his shoes with one hand and holding on to his jeans with the other hand. And if he would have let go of them, they would have fallen off!! Too funny. And, I caught a contact buzz from the people behind us...Someone should have clued them in on the fact that weed is one drug that is better enjoyed in moderation...Not that I smoke it anymore, but you know what I mean. The one girl was so baked that she couldn't even stand up and she sat through the whole show just staring at her shoes. Must have been something fascinating about them. Anyways, had a great time.
Work seems to be worse than ever. I'm slowly going over the edge here and I can't seem to stop it no matter what I do. I had to cancel my vacation because I am short-staffed and I am getting absolutely no support from my boss or his office and I am on the verge of telling them to shove it. I have taken the same week off every year for the last 4 years and I always ask for it in January to make sure that I get it. So, I have had this planned for over 7 months and I have to cancel it because I asked for help over a month ago, and have gotten none. So, I am extremely disgruntled right now. Might even go postal on their asses.
Alright, enough bitching for now. Peace!
Birthday sucked dick. I was home in bed with a migraine by 6 o'clock that night. What a way to spend a birthday, huh? I'm so pathetic. Not a big deal, really, the Vicoden helped kick it and by 10 o'clock, I was feeling better. Drama Queen and I watched The Hills Have Eyes together for the remainder of the night. Not a bad movie. Not all that I thought it was gonna be, but it was ok. DQ hid under the covers for most of it. Still haven't watched Hostel yet. Heard that wasn't all it was hyped up to be either.
Concert was awesome, of course. Someone that I had never heard of, Scooter Jennings, was the opening act and he was good, and then 3 Doors Down played and they were awesome. Lynard Skynard rocked the place, of course. I expected no less. They played several songs and then they had Scooter and 3 Doors Down come back out and sing Sweet Home Alabama with them and then they all went off stage like they were done, but of course, they weren't. They came back out and did Free Bird and it was fucking awesome. They took that little 4 or 5 minute song and just kept on playing it and I swear it went on for 10 minutes at least. It was cool as hell. We even got lucky because it had rained off and on all day long, but about 20 minutes before we got there, it quit and it never started back up again until we were well on our way home. We had stopped on the way down there and bought some rain ponchos just in case and we ended up sitting on them for a while, and then the guys rented some chairs for us to sit on. The only chairs they will let you use there are the low-backed beach chairs so every time I went to sit down, I felt like I was falling, but it was alright. Lots and lots of drunk stupid people, too. There was one guy that we kept seeing that was drunker then hell, walking around in his socks, carrying his shoes with one hand and holding on to his jeans with the other hand. And if he would have let go of them, they would have fallen off!! Too funny. And, I caught a contact buzz from the people behind us...Someone should have clued them in on the fact that weed is one drug that is better enjoyed in moderation...Not that I smoke it anymore, but you know what I mean. The one girl was so baked that she couldn't even stand up and she sat through the whole show just staring at her shoes. Must have been something fascinating about them. Anyways, had a great time.
Work seems to be worse than ever. I'm slowly going over the edge here and I can't seem to stop it no matter what I do. I had to cancel my vacation because I am short-staffed and I am getting absolutely no support from my boss or his office and I am on the verge of telling them to shove it. I have taken the same week off every year for the last 4 years and I always ask for it in January to make sure that I get it. So, I have had this planned for over 7 months and I have to cancel it because I asked for help over a month ago, and have gotten none. So, I am extremely disgruntled right now. Might even go postal on their asses.
Alright, enough bitching for now. Peace!
Friday, July 07, 2006
Ok, I'm a total wuss-bag
Oh my god, I hurt. I knew this was gonna hurt some, but I feel like someone branded me with a hot iron and caused second degree burns on my shoulder. I know, I know, I'm a total wimp. It looks fucking awesome though. I'm very proud of it. I've had my shirt off more times today showing people than I have in the last 6 months!!!
Tomorrow is my birthday. Yippie. Is it over yet?
Have to work all weekend since I am going to that concert on Tuesday and I have to be out of the store on Wednesday for a training meeting. I need a new job. Or a rich man. Or both. That would be a nice birthday present, wouldn't it? I know, I'm not taking this "single" thing very well, am I?
Tomorrow is my birthday. Yippie. Is it over yet?
Have to work all weekend since I am going to that concert on Tuesday and I have to be out of the store on Wednesday for a training meeting. I need a new job. Or a rich man. Or both. That would be a nice birthday present, wouldn't it? I know, I'm not taking this "single" thing very well, am I?
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Son of a *@%!?
Ouch. Mother fucker ouch. That hurt like hell. Took 2 hours and the guy did a fantastic job. I am totally impressed. It'll be a while before I get any more work done, if I ever get any more work done but I am totally satisfied. I just hope it doesn't fade much while it's healing. Damn, this means I'm gonna have to start wearing tank tops and stuff like that to show it off. This picture is after only 2 hours so it is still a little bloody and shit but you get the general idea. Fucking awesome. I love it. It was totally worth all the agony. And not a bad price either for all the detail and color and shit. When it heals, I'll have somebody take some more pictures and show you all the details and stuff.
If you live around here, it's Ink Spot Tattoos...Very talented young man. A little scary to look at, with all the metal in his face, but very talented individual.
If you live around here, it's Ink Spot Tattoos...Very talented young man. A little scary to look at, with all the metal in his face, but very talented individual.
Here we go
Ok, I'm doing this today. I'm getting my tattoo. Today. At 5 o'clock. I went in there today to check out the studio and talk to the artist and check out some of his work and all that good stuff and decided that this is really what I want to do. I have been contemplating it for a while and he was really cool about answering my questions and stuff like that. He said he has been doing it for 15 years and his portfolio looked really good, so here goes nothing. No turning back now. This is what I am getting:
I'll post some pictures after it's all done so we can compare. I'M SO EXCITED!!! Wish me luck, I'm a big wimp and it's gonna hurt like a muther!
I'll post some pictures after it's all done so we can compare. I'M SO EXCITED!!! Wish me luck, I'm a big wimp and it's gonna hurt like a muther!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
I need help
Ok, I am a complete moron when it comes to this kind of shit, but I am sick to death of this template. I totally hate all the other ones that blogger has to pick from. It is possible to change it without using one of theirs and if so how???? I need help.
I told ya...
Can I call 'em or what? I told ya if it looks too good to be true, it probably is, right? Damn, I'm good. Got an e-mail from Jimmie today saying that he really liked me but he was turning his life over to God and focusing on his classes right now and he didn't have time for a relationship, especially one with someone who was so demanding. Demanding?? How the hell am I demanding? I never asked that fucker for anything, unless you count wanting to spend ONE day a week with him. Geez, what the hell was I thinking, asking him to give up one day so we could actually spend some time together. What a dumb-ass I am. Ass-face. I hope you get hit by a bus on the way to school.
Christina, that was not nice.
Sorry, I take it back.
Wait, fuck that, no I don't.
Anyways, I'm glad it all went down early in the game before I got myself all wrapped up in him like I usually do with the men in my life. Did I mention that 2 of my friends have told me recently that I am too loyal? I gotta get a grip on that shit. Guess I am gonna try this single thing whether I want to or not, huh? Oh well...I have some shit I wanna do here soon anyhow that would only be hindered if I was "involved". Like, for my birthday, I wanna go get my nose pierced. Or a tattoo. Or maybe both. And on the 11th, I'm going to see Lynard Skynard and 3 Doors Down in concert with 3 of my good friends. I'm excited about that. Can you believe that I have only ever been to one other concert in my lifetime?? How pathetic is that? But that one concert was Aerosmith and Jonny Lang opened for them and it was awesome. I think it was the Nine Lives tour...I don't remember exactly now, but it totally fucking rocked. That was a long time ago, though...But I'm excited.
On a much sadder note, my Indian friend called tonight...I cried while I was on the phone with him. He kept saying how much he missed me and how he should have thought more about it before he moved out there because the people out there are so not friendly and he has met a few people at his new job, but hasn't met one person outside of work that will do more than say hello...Not even his new neighbors. That really made me sad because I miss him so freaking bad, I can't stand it. He asked me if I would ever consider coming out there and spending a weekend with him. Hell yeah!! That way I can stalk my future husband. Seriously though, I would totally love to do that, if I can swing it...But who knows. I guess we'll see.
Drama Queen and I baked a cake tonight for practice for her 4-H foods project. It was a peach cake. FUCKING AWESOME. I'll e-mail ya the recipe if ya want it.
Ok, I'm out. Nothing left to bitch about for tonight. I'm sure I'll think of something later.
Christina, that was not nice.
Sorry, I take it back.
Wait, fuck that, no I don't.
Anyways, I'm glad it all went down early in the game before I got myself all wrapped up in him like I usually do with the men in my life. Did I mention that 2 of my friends have told me recently that I am too loyal? I gotta get a grip on that shit. Guess I am gonna try this single thing whether I want to or not, huh? Oh well...I have some shit I wanna do here soon anyhow that would only be hindered if I was "involved". Like, for my birthday, I wanna go get my nose pierced. Or a tattoo. Or maybe both. And on the 11th, I'm going to see Lynard Skynard and 3 Doors Down in concert with 3 of my good friends. I'm excited about that. Can you believe that I have only ever been to one other concert in my lifetime?? How pathetic is that? But that one concert was Aerosmith and Jonny Lang opened for them and it was awesome. I think it was the Nine Lives tour...I don't remember exactly now, but it totally fucking rocked. That was a long time ago, though...But I'm excited.
On a much sadder note, my Indian friend called tonight...I cried while I was on the phone with him. He kept saying how much he missed me and how he should have thought more about it before he moved out there because the people out there are so not friendly and he has met a few people at his new job, but hasn't met one person outside of work that will do more than say hello...Not even his new neighbors. That really made me sad because I miss him so freaking bad, I can't stand it. He asked me if I would ever consider coming out there and spending a weekend with him. Hell yeah!! That way I can stalk my future husband. Seriously though, I would totally love to do that, if I can swing it...But who knows. I guess we'll see.
Drama Queen and I baked a cake tonight for practice for her 4-H foods project. It was a peach cake. FUCKING AWESOME. I'll e-mail ya the recipe if ya want it.
Ok, I'm out. Nothing left to bitch about for tonight. I'm sure I'll think of something later.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
If it looks too good to be true, it probably is...
Ok, I'm not totally giving up on this new guy, but things just aren't as bright and shiny new as they were a couple weeks ago.
I did a lot of thinking over the last couple days and ya know, I think maybe I oughta give this being single thing a try.
Holy shit, Batman, what did you just say?
Oh my god, what is happening to me? Please tell me that I'm not becoming a responsible adult...Cuz I can't deal with that right now...The whole growing up thing scares the shit out of me.
I have a birthday coming up too...
I'll be 33 on July 8th.
I'm officially an old woman in the eyes of my daughter. Ok, I'm officially an old woman in my own eyes too.
I'm going back to bed now. Old people can't handle this much excitement in one day. Not good for the heart.
Oh, wait, I forgot...I don't have one. I've given it away to too many men over the years and they have eroded it away to nothing.
Ok, maybe not nothing. But close to nothing.
It's ME time now.
Well, me and Drama Queen. She's getting to that age where I won't be "cool" much longer so I suppose I should take advantage of the fact that she still likes to hang out with me. Who knows, we might even go away for a few days this summer...Just the 2 of us. No men allowed.
Ok, really gotta go now. Ipods all updated. Gonna get out of the house and away from all this family...They are driving me insane!!
I did a lot of thinking over the last couple days and ya know, I think maybe I oughta give this being single thing a try.
Holy shit, Batman, what did you just say?
Oh my god, what is happening to me? Please tell me that I'm not becoming a responsible adult...Cuz I can't deal with that right now...The whole growing up thing scares the shit out of me.
I have a birthday coming up too...
I'll be 33 on July 8th.
I'm officially an old woman in the eyes of my daughter. Ok, I'm officially an old woman in my own eyes too.
I'm going back to bed now. Old people can't handle this much excitement in one day. Not good for the heart.
Oh, wait, I forgot...I don't have one. I've given it away to too many men over the years and they have eroded it away to nothing.
Ok, maybe not nothing. But close to nothing.
It's ME time now.
Well, me and Drama Queen. She's getting to that age where I won't be "cool" much longer so I suppose I should take advantage of the fact that she still likes to hang out with me. Who knows, we might even go away for a few days this summer...Just the 2 of us. No men allowed.
Ok, really gotta go now. Ipods all updated. Gonna get out of the house and away from all this family...They are driving me insane!!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
I just want to clarify something here...
Ok, I wanna clear something up. Seems that I have gone and shot my big mouth off again and hurt some feelings that maybe didn't really deserve it. So, here goes...
I have said some pretty bad things over the past few months regarding my messy break-up with The Ex. But in all honesty, he really isn't a bad guy. He's actually a pretty good guy, we just couldn't make it work. I mean, seriously, I didn't stay with him for 5 years because he was mean and nasty, right? He is actually a very kind-hearted, caring person. He treated my daughter as his own and probably would have adopted her had we ever taken the plunge and gotten married. He still treats her as his own, although they don't spend as much time together as they used to. I totally respect his new relationship, even though I don't like her and I probably never will. He and I have tried very hard to remain friends, for 2 reasons: #1 is for Drama Queen, #2 is to keep the peace at work. He is having a hard time dealing with my new relationship, and I really do understand how he is feeling because I felt the same way 6 months ago. I know that he thinks I am moving too fast with this new guy, and maybe I am, but I haven't had a relationship that felt this right before and I'm gonna go with it and see what happens. Maybe relationship is too strong of a word at this point in time, but nonetheless, Jimmie puts a smile on my face and he makes me feel like the most important person in the universe and no one has ever made me feel that way, The Ex included. But that does not change the fact that The Ex really and truly is a good person. I still love him very much and up until a couple months ago, I probably would have jumped at the opportunity to work things out with him. I think things have come too far for that now...Too many things have happened for us to be able to trust each other again and you cannot have a relationship without trust. I really do wish him all the happiness in the world and if that is with his current girlfriend, then so be it...It's not up to me to determine who he should spend his life with, just like it isn't up to him to determine who I should spend mine with.
Ok, I hope that clears things up. While there are times that I would love to rip his face off, I do still care about him very much and I only want the best for him. And that is all I have to say about that.
I have said some pretty bad things over the past few months regarding my messy break-up with The Ex. But in all honesty, he really isn't a bad guy. He's actually a pretty good guy, we just couldn't make it work. I mean, seriously, I didn't stay with him for 5 years because he was mean and nasty, right? He is actually a very kind-hearted, caring person. He treated my daughter as his own and probably would have adopted her had we ever taken the plunge and gotten married. He still treats her as his own, although they don't spend as much time together as they used to. I totally respect his new relationship, even though I don't like her and I probably never will. He and I have tried very hard to remain friends, for 2 reasons: #1 is for Drama Queen, #2 is to keep the peace at work. He is having a hard time dealing with my new relationship, and I really do understand how he is feeling because I felt the same way 6 months ago. I know that he thinks I am moving too fast with this new guy, and maybe I am, but I haven't had a relationship that felt this right before and I'm gonna go with it and see what happens. Maybe relationship is too strong of a word at this point in time, but nonetheless, Jimmie puts a smile on my face and he makes me feel like the most important person in the universe and no one has ever made me feel that way, The Ex included. But that does not change the fact that The Ex really and truly is a good person. I still love him very much and up until a couple months ago, I probably would have jumped at the opportunity to work things out with him. I think things have come too far for that now...Too many things have happened for us to be able to trust each other again and you cannot have a relationship without trust. I really do wish him all the happiness in the world and if that is with his current girlfriend, then so be it...It's not up to me to determine who he should spend his life with, just like it isn't up to him to determine who I should spend mine with.
Ok, I hope that clears things up. While there are times that I would love to rip his face off, I do still care about him very much and I only want the best for him. And that is all I have to say about that.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
One last time...
Said goodbye to my Indian friend last night. Went to see him because he still had a movie of mine and I had a couple CD's of his. Managed to sit there with him for a few without either of us trying to jump the others bones!! Which is a good thing, since I am trying to see what is going to happen with this new guy and the last thing I want to do is screw it up by cheating on him already. Oh my God, does that mean that I am growing up and acting like a normal, functioning adult?? EWWWW!!!! Seriously, though, it was sad. K and I actually connected really well when we were seeing each other and I am sad to see him go. But I understand that he has to do what is best for himself and taking this job seems to be the best option he has right now. And I am truly happy for him. He has been a wonderful friend to me for the past few months and we will continue to keep in touch via e-mail and stuff like that so it's not a total loss. And now I can focus my energy on Jimmie because I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY!! I'm actually thinking of taking Drama Queen to meet him very soon. I'm not sure though...Too soon maybe? I have told her that I met a new friend and that he was very special to me, but she really hasn't asked any questions or anything like that, so maybe I should wait a little while yet. Just to make damn sure that this is for real, ya know? I don't know...We'll see, I guess. Peace out.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Fate...
Have you ever met someone and knew from the very first moment that you saw them/talked to them/touched them that they were going to be a very important part of your life in some way? How can you know so little about someone and just know that they are going to play an important role in your future? I spent the afternoon/evening with my new guy friend yesterday. We have spent several hours talking on the phone and I could kinda tell that he was a pretty special person and I was eagerly looking forward to getting to know him better and seeing where things would go, but I was also being cautious because the last thing I need right now is another serious relationship that is doomed to fail because I let it move too fast. We decided to get together yesterday and things went very well. He's a very sweet guy and he was a total gentleman the whole time. We went for a walk in this cute little park (in between rainstorms) and he asked me if he could hold my hand while we walked and he opened my car door and stuff like that...Very nice guy. And he's got a great smile that just lights up his whole face...Beautiful eyes, too...One of the first things I notice about someone is their eyes. He is funny and charming and he makes me laugh. I know, I know, I've said that about other guys before, but this time was actually different. Seriously, it was. I have become quite the cynic lately...I expect people to let me down anymore, that way I won't be so disappointed when they do. But this was different...I went to meet him thinking that he was gonna be completely different than the guy I had been talking to on the phone and he wasn't at all. He says nice things to me all the time and he is just an all-around nice guy. So, I guess we will see. I'd like to think that I deserve a little happiness, but I know better than that. I'm sure I will screw this up somehow.
The Ex and I had a nice talk this morning. He admitted that he gets jealous of me spending time with other men. I feel bad but at the same time, I have given him every opportunity to work things out with me and he has refused to even consider it, so I guess the time came for me to accept it and move on. I knew this was going to happen...As soon as I find someone that might actually make me happy, he starts coming around. I swear, I'm not gonna let him get to me though...Not this time. I could be wrong, but I think the thought of someone taking his place in Drama Queen's life is more of a threat to him than anything.
Everything happens for a reason. I met Jimmie for a reason...I'm just not sure what that reason is just yet. I'll keep ya'll posted though...No need to watch soap operas...Just visit here!
The Ex and I had a nice talk this morning. He admitted that he gets jealous of me spending time with other men. I feel bad but at the same time, I have given him every opportunity to work things out with me and he has refused to even consider it, so I guess the time came for me to accept it and move on. I knew this was going to happen...As soon as I find someone that might actually make me happy, he starts coming around. I swear, I'm not gonna let him get to me though...Not this time. I could be wrong, but I think the thought of someone taking his place in Drama Queen's life is more of a threat to him than anything.
Everything happens for a reason. I met Jimmie for a reason...I'm just not sure what that reason is just yet. I'll keep ya'll posted though...No need to watch soap operas...Just visit here!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
It's always raining in my head...
Quick update for the masses: My arm it totally doing better. Not completely healed, but lots and lots better. I will probably have a scar there but I suppose that is better than a huge gaping hole, right? As for my love life (or lack thereof), my Indian friend is moving to West Chester, PA, instead of Boston now. He got a better job offer from this company than from the original so he is going where the money is, of course. I'm totally jealous because that is where my future husband, Bam Margera, lives and I'm still trying to figure out how to fit into his suitcase so I can go too. I will be sad to see him go, but I am very happy for him. He totally deserves it.
I have met a new guy, though, and this one is unbelievable. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man and more, but I am trying really hard not to get too into him too quickly because this is some fairy tale shit and fairy tale shit doesn't happen to me. He is currently going to school for his RN about an hour and a half from where I live but he has already offered to transfer to a school that is only a half hour from where I live so that he can be closer to me. He thinks I deserve to be treated like a princess, he says. Pretty cheezy, huh? Oh well, we'll see how it goes. The Ex is being a creep about the whole thing, because things are not going well for him right now and he hates the fact that I have someone else to occupy my attention and I'm not fawning all over him anymore. But he had his chance, right? I came to the conclusion, finally, that even if the opportunity came around, we wouldn't ever be able to work things out because too much has happened. He will probably never be able to fully trust me again, and I would always have that thought in the back of my mind that he would rather be with someone else. I believe that everything happens for a reason, I guess I just haven't figured out what that reason is just yet.
So, you can see that my soap opera life is still as crazy as ever. Working a lot of hours right now because I am short-staffed, AGAIN, but hopefully I will have a new person to start training by the end of the week. And then I get to start looking for a replacement for my part-time guy because he is leaving to join the Army on July 20th. Oh, these are the days of our lives...Peace.
I have met a new guy, though, and this one is unbelievable. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man and more, but I am trying really hard not to get too into him too quickly because this is some fairy tale shit and fairy tale shit doesn't happen to me. He is currently going to school for his RN about an hour and a half from where I live but he has already offered to transfer to a school that is only a half hour from where I live so that he can be closer to me. He thinks I deserve to be treated like a princess, he says. Pretty cheezy, huh? Oh well, we'll see how it goes. The Ex is being a creep about the whole thing, because things are not going well for him right now and he hates the fact that I have someone else to occupy my attention and I'm not fawning all over him anymore. But he had his chance, right? I came to the conclusion, finally, that even if the opportunity came around, we wouldn't ever be able to work things out because too much has happened. He will probably never be able to fully trust me again, and I would always have that thought in the back of my mind that he would rather be with someone else. I believe that everything happens for a reason, I guess I just haven't figured out what that reason is just yet.
So, you can see that my soap opera life is still as crazy as ever. Working a lot of hours right now because I am short-staffed, AGAIN, but hopefully I will have a new person to start training by the end of the week. And then I get to start looking for a replacement for my part-time guy because he is leaving to join the Army on July 20th. Oh, these are the days of our lives...Peace.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Good news...For now
Ok, I went to see the surgeon yesterday and he said that all the draining and stuff that it is doing now is a good thing. Turns out that visiting the ER was probably one of my better decisions lately. He couldn't say for certain that it WASN'T a brown recluse spider bite, but he wasn't sure that it was either. He cleaned it off good and put a different type of bandage on it and showed me how to re-apply it so I could change it frequently, told me to put some neosporin on it when I changed bandages and gave me a stronger antibiotic. Said to keep a close eye on it for a couple more days and as long as it appeared to be healing, not to come back to see him until next Tuesday. The pain is actually very mild now, and I think the swelling has gone down consirderably. It only hurts now when I smash it into something, because I'm so graceful, or when I sit here and squeeze it so see if I can get any more shit out of it, because I am a sick twisted bitch. Seriously though, it does feel better. Not on fire either like it was. Still have pictures for all you morbid fuckers that want to see. Let me know, I'll e-mail 'em to ya. They're great.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Bad things come to those who wait...
Wednesday night I got bit by something at work. The reason I know this is because I had a small pinprick type spot on my forearm and it was incredibly itchy. And, of course, I am such a genius, I scratched it. Thursday morning, when I was getting ready for work, I noticed that it had grown to the size of a small pimple. Not a big deal, I thought, soI put some Benedryl cream on it so I wouldn't scratch it any more and I went to work. By the time I got home Thursday night, I was all red and sore and had grown to about the size of a dime. Oh well, something got me, I'll hit the RediMed on the way home from work on Friday. That was a waste of time. It hadn't really gotten any larger, but it was extremely painful and it was very hot and red. The doc at the RediMed looked at it, gave me a prescription for some antibiotics and sent me on my way. $55 for the office visit, $95 for the pills. Fuck you very much too. Saturday was not too much different. Very painful and hot and I couldn't stand to have anyone or anything touch it. I had to roll my shirt sleeve up because it kept rubbing on it and that was almost excruciating. Saturday night, my mom tried to tell me that I needed to visit the ER, but being the cheapskate that I am, I blew her off. No insurance, barely scraping by as it is, I'd rather not incur a couple thousand dollars worth of hospital bills if I can prevent it. Besides, maybe it was just taking a couple days for the antibiotics to kick in. Sunday was pretty miserable. It was hotter than hell outside and my arm throbbed any how and it just kept getting worse as the day went on. I made it through the day and I had my mom look at it again before I went to bed and she freaked out. By this time, it had almost tripled in size, not to mention the huge area all around the actual sore that was also red and tender. There was also this huge egg shaped bump over it about the size of a quarter. And did I mention that it was starting to turn some really pretty shades of yellow (infection) and purple (dead skin tissue). All this time, it still continues to throb and ache and the heat coming off of it could have fried an egg. She tried to talk me into going to the ER right then and there and I resisted. Here again, the money factor.
Alright, so everyone gets ready for bed and I'm laying here thinking how nice it would be to have a couple vicodin right about then and the phone rings. It was my little Indian friend. We talked on the phone for a little while and he was asking me a bunch of questions about it and stuff and he kept telling me that he really thought I should take my mom's advice and go to the hospital. At this point, I'm so freaked out and in so much pain that I start crying, which only upsets him, because now he knows that I know he is right and I'm just being stubborn. Ok, ok, I give, I'll go...never mind the fact that it is 12:30 in the morning. He asked me if I wanted him to come with me and I told him no because it would be another half hour before he got to my house and by then I would have changed my mind. So I went...Alone.
They put an IV in me and made me sit there while they pumped me full of antibiotics for about 30 minutes and then they tried to lance it open, and nothing came out. Nothing at all. Not even blood. Ok, now I am really scared. That is totally not a good sign. They wrapped it up in gauze and left my IV in and clamped it off and wrapped it up too and sent me home with 6 vicodin and a prescription for 20 more (woo-hoo!) and told me to come back on Sunday evening for another dose of antibiotics through my IV and they wanted to look at it again. So, I go back in tonight and they pump the antibiotics through and try to scrape some shit out of this thing so they can do a culture and this time, they actually get blood but not without squeezing. If I hadn't been in extreme agony, I would have kicked him in the nuts. Mother fucker. He knew how bad it was hurting and he went and fucking squeezed it. Bastard. Anyhow, they swab the blood off and send it to the lab to run tests on it to make sure it isn't anything fatal.
They sent me home tonight with instructions to call the office of one of the surgeons at the hospital and make sure they understand the urgency of my getting in to see the doctor tomorrow.
So right now, I am suffering in pain, because if I take the vicodin too early, I won't be able to sleep all night long. I am actually getting ready to take them and crash out. I will keep you all posted on what happens tomorrow. I also have pictures for those of you morbid enough to want to see. It's pretty fucking gross.
Alright, so everyone gets ready for bed and I'm laying here thinking how nice it would be to have a couple vicodin right about then and the phone rings. It was my little Indian friend. We talked on the phone for a little while and he was asking me a bunch of questions about it and stuff and he kept telling me that he really thought I should take my mom's advice and go to the hospital. At this point, I'm so freaked out and in so much pain that I start crying, which only upsets him, because now he knows that I know he is right and I'm just being stubborn. Ok, ok, I give, I'll go...never mind the fact that it is 12:30 in the morning. He asked me if I wanted him to come with me and I told him no because it would be another half hour before he got to my house and by then I would have changed my mind. So I went...Alone.
They put an IV in me and made me sit there while they pumped me full of antibiotics for about 30 minutes and then they tried to lance it open, and nothing came out. Nothing at all. Not even blood. Ok, now I am really scared. That is totally not a good sign. They wrapped it up in gauze and left my IV in and clamped it off and wrapped it up too and sent me home with 6 vicodin and a prescription for 20 more (woo-hoo!) and told me to come back on Sunday evening for another dose of antibiotics through my IV and they wanted to look at it again. So, I go back in tonight and they pump the antibiotics through and try to scrape some shit out of this thing so they can do a culture and this time, they actually get blood but not without squeezing. If I hadn't been in extreme agony, I would have kicked him in the nuts. Mother fucker. He knew how bad it was hurting and he went and fucking squeezed it. Bastard. Anyhow, they swab the blood off and send it to the lab to run tests on it to make sure it isn't anything fatal.
They sent me home tonight with instructions to call the office of one of the surgeons at the hospital and make sure they understand the urgency of my getting in to see the doctor tomorrow.
So right now, I am suffering in pain, because if I take the vicodin too early, I won't be able to sleep all night long. I am actually getting ready to take them and crash out. I will keep you all posted on what happens tomorrow. I also have pictures for those of you morbid enough to want to see. It's pretty fucking gross.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Whisper things into my brain, assuring me that I'm insane
I replaced 2 of my stolen Metallica CD's this weekend. Renewed my passion for one of my most favorite bands, you could say. Totally reminded myself of why I love these guys in the first place.
Nothing exciting this weekend. Think that my little Indian friend and I are going our separate ways, though. We talked the other night and we both decided that maybe we should see other people...Which probably means that he has already found someone else that he wants to start dating but he's too nice of a guy to tell me so. It doesn't matter, I guess. He says he still wants to be friends, which really means that he wants to keep in contact with me in case things with this new person don't work out. Pretty cool, huh? I always seem to be second choice. But I guess it's my own fault for allowing it to happen.
Working lots and lots of hours this week. And have lots and lots to do so I guess I should get the hell off this computer and get to it, huh?
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Welcome back, Juan Bodley!
Just wanna shout out to local legend, JohnnyC...We knew ya couldn't stay away for long! Hopefully you are getting your head straight (well, as straight as it can be, I guess). Keep in mind that you could work where I work and have to endure the bullshit that I have to put up with (see previous post). Glad to see you back with the insane where you belong.
Where am I? And how the hell did I get here?
Am I on another planet today or what? Did some greater power decide that I needed a little more bullshit in my life today and decide to have me wake up in an alternate universe where I am surrounded by people whose uncles are also their daddies and they call there mom's "sis"? I swear to God that I can totally top anyone's hillbilly redneck story with the shit I have went through in the last 2 days. Get this:
I work for a small electronics retailer who shall remain nameless so I don't get picked up on any search engines. As if that isn't bad enough, the town I work in is TOTALLY filled with in-breeders and rednecks whose biggest ambition is to see how many beers they can put away and still beat their wives and kids on the weekends. The whole town put together doesn't have a mouthful of teeth and the average IQ is below 50. The last couple of days have been really shitty anyhow, because I am seriously short-handed right now and I have had to work alone for the better part of the day. For those of you that know me, this is torture. I have gotten very good at carrying on a two-sided conversation with myself. As if this isn't bad enough, TWO times in the last 2 days, I have encountered the 2 stupidest people in town. Seriously, I could laugh this off if it happened once, but TWICE?!?!?! What the fuck...
Wednesday, I had a customer come in my store carrying a bag from another store, which is not a big deal...Sometimes people bring me things when they can't figure out how to work them or something and it's not unusual to see WallyWorld bags being brought into my store. Anyways, he walks in and sets his bag down on the counter and I ask him what I can do to help him. Sit down for this, you're gonna love it. He looks me straight in the eye and says, "I bought this at WallyWorld the other day and I don't need it any more...Can I return it here?" Excuse me? Did I suddenly change jobs and forget to tell myself?? "I'm sorry, sir, but you didn't purchase that here, I can't return it for you." "Well, why not? You sell the same thing, dontcha?" Oh my freaking God, am I in the twilight zone here? "I'm really sorry, sir, but you didn't purchase it from here and I won't be able to give you your money back for that." "Well, what the hell kind of place is this? It shouldn't fucking matter, should it? It all comes from the same place." "I'm sorry, sir, you will have to return it to the store that you purchased it from." "Well, see if I ever shop here again." You didn't fucking shop here to begin with you fucking idiot!!! I didn't actually say that out loud, but I wanted to throw something at him as he walked out the door.
Ok, so I can deal with idiots once in a while..It comes with the job. BUT IT HAPPENED AGAIN TODAY!!! Another customer, also male and obvioulsy of the same mentality, came in and did the exact same thing today!! Ok, now I know I'm in the fucking twilight zone.
As if it wasn't bad enough when the people in town take their livestock shopping with them instead of their kids...Someone please rescue me from this nightmare!!
I work for a small electronics retailer who shall remain nameless so I don't get picked up on any search engines. As if that isn't bad enough, the town I work in is TOTALLY filled with in-breeders and rednecks whose biggest ambition is to see how many beers they can put away and still beat their wives and kids on the weekends. The whole town put together doesn't have a mouthful of teeth and the average IQ is below 50. The last couple of days have been really shitty anyhow, because I am seriously short-handed right now and I have had to work alone for the better part of the day. For those of you that know me, this is torture. I have gotten very good at carrying on a two-sided conversation with myself. As if this isn't bad enough, TWO times in the last 2 days, I have encountered the 2 stupidest people in town. Seriously, I could laugh this off if it happened once, but TWICE?!?!?! What the fuck...
Wednesday, I had a customer come in my store carrying a bag from another store, which is not a big deal...Sometimes people bring me things when they can't figure out how to work them or something and it's not unusual to see WallyWorld bags being brought into my store. Anyways, he walks in and sets his bag down on the counter and I ask him what I can do to help him. Sit down for this, you're gonna love it. He looks me straight in the eye and says, "I bought this at WallyWorld the other day and I don't need it any more...Can I return it here?" Excuse me? Did I suddenly change jobs and forget to tell myself?? "I'm sorry, sir, but you didn't purchase that here, I can't return it for you." "Well, why not? You sell the same thing, dontcha?" Oh my freaking God, am I in the twilight zone here? "I'm really sorry, sir, but you didn't purchase it from here and I won't be able to give you your money back for that." "Well, what the hell kind of place is this? It shouldn't fucking matter, should it? It all comes from the same place." "I'm sorry, sir, you will have to return it to the store that you purchased it from." "Well, see if I ever shop here again." You didn't fucking shop here to begin with you fucking idiot!!! I didn't actually say that out loud, but I wanted to throw something at him as he walked out the door.
Ok, so I can deal with idiots once in a while..It comes with the job. BUT IT HAPPENED AGAIN TODAY!!! Another customer, also male and obvioulsy of the same mentality, came in and did the exact same thing today!! Ok, now I know I'm in the fucking twilight zone.
As if it wasn't bad enough when the people in town take their livestock shopping with them instead of their kids...Someone please rescue me from this nightmare!!
Monday, May 15, 2006
Someone please turn that shit off...
I really have to stop listening to sappy, sad love songs. I actually thought things were getting a little better, and for once in my life, things might actually be going my way, and then I spend the morning listening to songs about broken hearts and shattered lives and that totally ruins my mood for the rest of the day. One of these days I will get a grip and know better than to listen to that shit, especially when it's already rainy and gloomy outside.
My little Indian man came home Saturday. I was so excited to hear his voice on the phone that I almost cried. I didn't want to push him into seeing me because I knew that he was coming off a 22 hour flight, not to mention the 3 hours drive to the airport in India, and the 4 hour drive home from the airport. Turns out I didn't have to because, even though I tried to protest (a little!), he kept insisting on seeing me that night. I got there around 8 and we hung out for a little while and he feel asleep on me 3 times in 2 hours, so I finally put him to bed around 10:30 and came home. It was really nice seeing him and spending some time with him, after 2 weeks, but something wasn't right. I missed him terribly bad and he kept telling me how glad he was to be home and to be with me, but I just wasn't feeling it like I was before. I don't know, maybe it has something to do with it being close to "that time of the month" and all, but I'm not so sure. Yesterday, I spent some quality time with Drama Queen, since it was Mother's Day and all, and we went to a cookout for my grandma last night, but I still can't shake this lonely feeling. Why is it that when you are surrounded by people that love you and care about you, you generally feel the most alone? I tried talking to someone about this today and they looked at me like I was completely insane. Who knows, maybe I am. If someone could explain this to me, I would be eternally grateful. All I know right now is that it is freezing in my room and I need to go to bed. I've actually been sleeping about 4-5 hours a night, which may not seem like much, but for me, it's fantastic, so that isn't the reason for my mood either. Go figure...
My little Indian man came home Saturday. I was so excited to hear his voice on the phone that I almost cried. I didn't want to push him into seeing me because I knew that he was coming off a 22 hour flight, not to mention the 3 hours drive to the airport in India, and the 4 hour drive home from the airport. Turns out I didn't have to because, even though I tried to protest (a little!), he kept insisting on seeing me that night. I got there around 8 and we hung out for a little while and he feel asleep on me 3 times in 2 hours, so I finally put him to bed around 10:30 and came home. It was really nice seeing him and spending some time with him, after 2 weeks, but something wasn't right. I missed him terribly bad and he kept telling me how glad he was to be home and to be with me, but I just wasn't feeling it like I was before. I don't know, maybe it has something to do with it being close to "that time of the month" and all, but I'm not so sure. Yesterday, I spent some quality time with Drama Queen, since it was Mother's Day and all, and we went to a cookout for my grandma last night, but I still can't shake this lonely feeling. Why is it that when you are surrounded by people that love you and care about you, you generally feel the most alone? I tried talking to someone about this today and they looked at me like I was completely insane. Who knows, maybe I am. If someone could explain this to me, I would be eternally grateful. All I know right now is that it is freezing in my room and I need to go to bed. I've actually been sleeping about 4-5 hours a night, which may not seem like much, but for me, it's fantastic, so that isn't the reason for my mood either. Go figure...
Friday, May 05, 2006
Happy Cinco de Mayo
I'm looking forward to this weekend. Drama Queen has Science Fair coming up and her little friend and her are doing their project either Sunday or Monday after school. I'm so excited!! I love this kind of stuff. They decided to make a small basic telegraph machine and to do their poster on how a telegraph works and the history of the telegraph and stuff like that. I've dug up a bunch of stuff on-line and printed it off for them as well as purchasing the stuff that they will need to put this little thing together. I am totally excited about this. I never got to do cool stuff like this when I was a kid. I can't wait.
I actually get to take 2 days off this coming week!! Don't ask me how...It probably won't ever happen again. Of course, part of the one day, I get to spend in the company of my snakey lawyer so that won't be any fun, but hopefully it won't take too long to do what we need to do and I can get out of there and enjoy my day. (And, no JohnnyC, I'm not going to my lawyer for that restraining order...YET!!) The weather better be nice or I'm gonna be pissed off big time.
Tonight, I get to go to the Vera Bradley outlet sale. I have been waiting for this sale for weeks! I didn't get to go last year and I really hope they still have some good stuff left when I go, because I need a new purse bad and I don't want to pay full price for one. I like their bags and stuff but I don't like them enough to pay full price. I know, I'm cheap. Cheap date, too, I've been told.
Ok, so I still didn't sleep last night. WTF? I don't understand. The human body was not made for this, I'm pretty sure and I don't know what to do to fix it. I've tried cutting out caffeine, only to have to endure painful headaches for a couple days, but those have pretty much went away. I've tried just about everything I can think of without going to the doctor (no insurance), and nothing works. I've even tried double doses of over-the-counter sleeping pills and they didn't help either. At this rate, I will either be totally insane or wrapped around a tree (see yesterday's post) by the middle of next week. Or I could be in jail for murder too, if someone says the wrong thing to me. I'm pretty short fused right now. Everyone tells me that I need to learn how to relax. Yeah right. Whatever.
Ok, so I finally gave in yesterday (I know, I'm easy) and told JohnnyC who I really am. I tried to tell him that he didn't know me...He didn't believe me. I'm fairly certain that we know a lot of the same people, but just not each other. When you live in a small town like I do, it's hard not to know damn near everyone. Which is not exactly a good thing...
Alright, alright, I'm done. Better get back to work anyhow.
I actually get to take 2 days off this coming week!! Don't ask me how...It probably won't ever happen again. Of course, part of the one day, I get to spend in the company of my snakey lawyer so that won't be any fun, but hopefully it won't take too long to do what we need to do and I can get out of there and enjoy my day. (And, no JohnnyC, I'm not going to my lawyer for that restraining order...YET!!) The weather better be nice or I'm gonna be pissed off big time.
Tonight, I get to go to the Vera Bradley outlet sale. I have been waiting for this sale for weeks! I didn't get to go last year and I really hope they still have some good stuff left when I go, because I need a new purse bad and I don't want to pay full price for one. I like their bags and stuff but I don't like them enough to pay full price. I know, I'm cheap. Cheap date, too, I've been told.
Ok, so I still didn't sleep last night. WTF? I don't understand. The human body was not made for this, I'm pretty sure and I don't know what to do to fix it. I've tried cutting out caffeine, only to have to endure painful headaches for a couple days, but those have pretty much went away. I've tried just about everything I can think of without going to the doctor (no insurance), and nothing works. I've even tried double doses of over-the-counter sleeping pills and they didn't help either. At this rate, I will either be totally insane or wrapped around a tree (see yesterday's post) by the middle of next week. Or I could be in jail for murder too, if someone says the wrong thing to me. I'm pretty short fused right now. Everyone tells me that I need to learn how to relax. Yeah right. Whatever.
Ok, so I finally gave in yesterday (I know, I'm easy) and told JohnnyC who I really am. I tried to tell him that he didn't know me...He didn't believe me. I'm fairly certain that we know a lot of the same people, but just not each other. When you live in a small town like I do, it's hard not to know damn near everyone. Which is not exactly a good thing...
Alright, alright, I'm done. Better get back to work anyhow.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Sorry about that...
Ok, about last night...I was not myself for obvious reasons. I can't explain it, all I can say is I'm sorry and it will probably happen again in the very near future. Just kidding...Actually, aside from not sleeping AGAIN and feeling like I have my head in a vise, I feel ok today. Got to talk to my Indian sweetie this morning online for a few minutes. He has such a positive outlook on life. Tell me, please, someone, are all Indian men like that? Because my boss is that way too and it drives me insane because he takes a hopeless situation and tries like hell to make you see the positive side of it. Anyways, I'm not a big fan of my boss right now so I don't wanna talk about him. Where was I? Oh, yeah, my Indian friend. He is so positive...And he worries about me like crazy because I am a psycho that needs a full time babysitter just to make sure that I don't kill myself accidentally or something stupid like that. Actually, he is worried because I'm not sleeping again and the other night when I was going home from work, I almost feel asleep at the wheel. Twice. So, I got the old cell phone out and started calling people...Didn't really matter who I was talking to as long as it was someone. Good thing I have 3000 minutes a month to burn on that damn thing. Ok, so I'm calling everyone that I know because some of them were busy and either didn't answer or couldn't talk, so I went through my phone book and talked to whoever would listen until I was about 3 miles. He was pretty freaked out about that. Told me not to ever scare him like that again. Shit...That's mild compared to some of the stupid shit I've done. He is very fond of telling me that whatever goes around, comes around...Now I'm really scared. Ok, not really. I'm basically a good person. Just because I would like The Ex's new woman to fall into a vat of battery acid, that doesn't make me a bad person, does it? It's not like I'm going to PUSH her into the vat of battery acid...And besides that, I'm sure that she doesn't think any better thoughts of me.
Ok, I gotta get some stuff done before my boss gets here today. I'll elaborate more on this later...
Ok, I gotta get some stuff done before my boss gets here today. I'll elaborate more on this later...
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Shhh...Don't tell anybody...
I'm hiding in here...Don't tell anyone you saw me. My family is driving me insane. My dog won't quit humping my leg. The phone has rang 400 million times in the last hour and it's all been people I don't like or don't want to talk to. And I hate my fucking job, too...Did I mention that? I got to work 12 hours today, 8 of which I was by myself AND I get to do it again tomorrow. What fun!! And to top it all off, my boss will be in tomorrow and he and I are not on good terms right now. So tomorrow should be even better. God I hate my life. Where the hell is my Prince Charming that is supposed to sweep me off my feet and take me away from all this madness?? Huh?? I fucking give up. I'm too tired for this bullshit tonight. Day 5 of no sleep...I love being an insomniac. Builds character. My ass....
Monday, May 01, 2006
Just for you, JohnnyC.
Ok, last week, I promised that I would reveal my secret identity after I took some time this weekend to find a picture that was worthy of the great JohnnyC. Well, here ya go:
Haha, gotcha. You really didn't think I was going to let you off that easy, did you?
I actually did find a halfway decent picture this weekend that I could email to you...But what would be the fun in that??
Haha, gotcha. You really didn't think I was going to let you off that easy, did you?
I actually did find a halfway decent picture this weekend that I could email to you...But what would be the fun in that??
Thursday, April 27, 2006
I've become popular all of the sudden
Seems that the secret of my true identity has caused quite a stir over at RW...BS, especially on the zonkboard. AmyJo thinks I am JohnnyC's long lost heavy metal princess, which I am sorry to say, I really don't think so. Last night, RLB was trying to start rumors that I was stalking him and that I am in love with him. Thanks to Boz for telling him to quit, even though it didn't do any good. Truth is, JohnnyC probably really doesn't know who I am, and even if I told him my name, he still wouldn't know who I was. And, he would probably be disappointed after all this!! So, maybe this weekend, while I am off, I will try to dig up a half-way decent recent picture of myself, especially since the yearbook photo from the year that I think he is referencing is THE WORST PICTURE I HAVE EVER HAD TAKEN, and I will post it here next week. Not that I want to spoil all the fun or anything like that, but with all this hype, he's gonna be expecting the likes of Lita Ford or some shit like that...
Too bad, so sad
Alright, now I'm really bummed. Took my little Indian sweetie to the airport this morning. He'll be gone for 2 weeks...15 days, to be exact. I drove him up there this morning and we had a nice talk on the way there and it was cool to be able to spend a little more time with him, since I didn't think I was going to have that opportunity. When we got there, he asked me to stay with him a little longer and I declined, because I knew if I stayed any longer, I'd either be getting on the plane with him, or he wouldn't be going, one of those 2. These next 2 weeks are going to be the longest 2 weeks ever. He's so fucking intelligent that is scares the fuck out of me. He can see things that no one else can see...Like how fucking much I am still hung up on The Ex, even though I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting back with him. I know that I have to suck it up and get my shit together, but I just can't. Seems like every time I try, something happens to get my hopes up and then it's just like before and my heart gets ripped out of my chest again. Why does love have to fucking hurt so goddamn much?? And why couldn't I have found this wonderful person at a time in my life where I would be more mentally stable and able to sustain a mature adult relationship? I just don't get it. He did say that he would keep in touch via e-mail and that he would call me the second his plane lands in Chicago, and if I have come to terms with my former relationship, then maybe we will have a chance of making this work. If not, then I guess this is just fate playing a cruel joke on me and allowing me to get accustomed to this wonderful man and then not even giving me a chance at a future with him. Deep down I know that I have to get past all this, but I can't. Part of me keeps holding on...To what, I'm not sure. The 2 of us (The Ex and I) can't even carry on a conversation anymore without ending up bashing the hell out of each other. I know that sounds really childish, and that is exactly what I am trying to get past, but every time I seem to make a little progress, something happens to piss me off and I'm right back where I started from. I came across this song by a group called Blue October that speaks volumes:
Hate Me
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
If you can find it, listen to it. It's haunting me for some reason. From what I can tell about this song, it seems to be directed towards this person's mother, but it still seems to fit. My sweet little friend keeps putting up with my crap. He has been the sweetest person to me even though it is so obvious to him what I am feeling. The craziest part is that we haven't even taken this "relationship", for lack of a better term, to the next "level", if you know what I mean. So, it's not like he is even getting anything out of this! That scares me a little. I know that he is in my life for a reason, but I can't figure out exactly what that reason is. He certainly doesn't deserve to be treated this way...Getting close to me only to have me push him away because I catch a glimmer of hope that maybe things will be ok with The Ex and then running back to him when I get my heart stomped on again. And he's there, waiting with open arms. That frightens me more than anything, that he is there, waiting, almost like he knows how this is going to play out even before anyone else. But he isn't going to be there forever...Nothing good in my life ever lasts forever. Man, I sure hope he doesn't come back married...
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
I'm bummed...
I'm totally bummed out tonight. And I don't even want to talk about it. So, instead, I'm posting the lyrics to a song that I have heard several times in the past couple days. Kinda sums up how I feel right now.
You Can Sleep While I Drive
Melissa Ethridge
Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
There’s a chill in my bones
I don’t want to be left alone
So baby you can sleep while I drive
I’ll pack my bag and load up my guitar
In my pocket I’ll carry my harp
I got some money I saved
Enough to get underway
And baby you can sleep while I drive
We’ll go thorough tucson up to santa fe
And barbara in nashville says we’re welcome to stay
I’ll buy you glasses in texas a hat from new orleans
And in the morning you can tell me your dreams
You know I’ve seen it before
This mist that covers your eyes
You’ve been looking for something
That’s not in your life
My intentions are true
Won’t you take me with you
And baby you can sleep while I drive
Oh is it other arms you want to
Hold you the stranger
The lover you’re free
Can’t you get that with me
Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
If you won’t take me with you
I’ll go before night is through
And baby you can sleep while I drive
You Can Sleep While I Drive
Melissa Ethridge
Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
There’s a chill in my bones
I don’t want to be left alone
So baby you can sleep while I drive
I’ll pack my bag and load up my guitar
In my pocket I’ll carry my harp
I got some money I saved
Enough to get underway
And baby you can sleep while I drive
We’ll go thorough tucson up to santa fe
And barbara in nashville says we’re welcome to stay
I’ll buy you glasses in texas a hat from new orleans
And in the morning you can tell me your dreams
You know I’ve seen it before
This mist that covers your eyes
You’ve been looking for something
That’s not in your life
My intentions are true
Won’t you take me with you
And baby you can sleep while I drive
Oh is it other arms you want to
Hold you the stranger
The lover you’re free
Can’t you get that with me
Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
If you won’t take me with you
I’ll go before night is through
And baby you can sleep while I drive
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I'm having too much fun with this...
JohnnyC, aka Juan Bodley, seems to be on a quest for information...If any of you out there actually know my true identity, DON'T TELL HIM! He'll figure it out on his own after a while and then it won't be any fun anymore. Sorry, JohnnyC, I love tormenting people.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
If at first you don't succeed...
Ok, I failed miserably at not smoking. So badly, in fact, that I am almost back up to a pack a day. But I am going to give it the old college try one more time. I have like 3 cigarettes left and I am going to try really really really really hard not to buy anymore. With smokes at over $3 a pack and gas pretty damn close to that, I really need to stop. At $3 a pack and a pack a day, that's about $90 a month...Dang, I could finance that Hawaii trip in about 1000 years. But seriously, I have to stop. My friend and I started walking last week, and we plan to continue to do so at least 3 nights a week. We are walking 2 miles a night. But, my point was going to be that I knew that I was in bad shape, but I thought I was going to die after the first night. I was breathing so hard, you would have thought I had just ran a marathon instead of just walking a couple of miles. Wish me luck and I'll keep you posted.
Spent some time with my sweet little Indian friend Friday night. Probably won't see him for 3 weeks. He leaves for India on Thursday morning and I won't be able to get away to spend any time with him before that. I am going to miss him so bad. I found out this morning (Saturday) just how racist my father is. I knew he had issues but I truly had no idea until this morning when I was getting ready to leave for work and we had a huge argument about me dating an Indian man. He threatened me and told me that I better never plan on bringing him into this house and all this shit and how in the hell could I possibly be dating a "raghead". That totally pissed me off. First of all, he is Indian, not Iraqi or where the hell ever those people come from. He just proved to me what an ignorant asshole he can be sometimes. Second, I am 32 fucking years old. Last time I checked, adulthood struck at 18. Which means that I have been able to make my own choices, whether they are good or bad, for 14 years. Third, and this is that best one of all, HE TREATS ME BETTER THEN ANY WHITE MAN HAS IN A LONG GODDAMN TIME!!!! So, WTF? I just don't get people. But I'm sure that his family would probably do the same thing if they knew he had been dating a white woman. It still pisses me off though. I have tried my best to raise my daughter to not judge people based on their race or religion and I hate the fact that she lives under the same roof with someone who is so fucking narrow-minded that they can't see past the end of their nose. Ok, I'm getting off my soapbox now.
I am so tired right now. My legs have ached for the last couple of days, from all the walking that I have been doing. I know that once I get used to it, it will be alright, but it sure hurts right now. And it really doesn't help the insomnia much either when every time I find a comfortable position and I go to roll over, my hip screams in agony, or my knees start crying. I hope it goes away soon.
Took Drama Queen summer clothes shopping tonight. Spent way to damn much money. Got some really good deals, though...Won't tell you how much I spent, but I SAVED $192. Everything she picked out was on sale and for the amount of money that I spent, she really did get a lot of stuff. Barring a MAJOR growth spurt in the next few months, I shouldn't have to buy her anything else until time to go back to school in the fall.
Well, might not be back for a few days. Inventory tomorrow night at the store and no day off until next weekend, so who knows when I will feel like sitting down here again. Not that anyone really cares...
Spent some time with my sweet little Indian friend Friday night. Probably won't see him for 3 weeks. He leaves for India on Thursday morning and I won't be able to get away to spend any time with him before that. I am going to miss him so bad. I found out this morning (Saturday) just how racist my father is. I knew he had issues but I truly had no idea until this morning when I was getting ready to leave for work and we had a huge argument about me dating an Indian man. He threatened me and told me that I better never plan on bringing him into this house and all this shit and how in the hell could I possibly be dating a "raghead". That totally pissed me off. First of all, he is Indian, not Iraqi or where the hell ever those people come from. He just proved to me what an ignorant asshole he can be sometimes. Second, I am 32 fucking years old. Last time I checked, adulthood struck at 18. Which means that I have been able to make my own choices, whether they are good or bad, for 14 years. Third, and this is that best one of all, HE TREATS ME BETTER THEN ANY WHITE MAN HAS IN A LONG GODDAMN TIME!!!! So, WTF? I just don't get people. But I'm sure that his family would probably do the same thing if they knew he had been dating a white woman. It still pisses me off though. I have tried my best to raise my daughter to not judge people based on their race or religion and I hate the fact that she lives under the same roof with someone who is so fucking narrow-minded that they can't see past the end of their nose. Ok, I'm getting off my soapbox now.
I am so tired right now. My legs have ached for the last couple of days, from all the walking that I have been doing. I know that once I get used to it, it will be alright, but it sure hurts right now. And it really doesn't help the insomnia much either when every time I find a comfortable position and I go to roll over, my hip screams in agony, or my knees start crying. I hope it goes away soon.
Took Drama Queen summer clothes shopping tonight. Spent way to damn much money. Got some really good deals, though...Won't tell you how much I spent, but I SAVED $192. Everything she picked out was on sale and for the amount of money that I spent, she really did get a lot of stuff. Barring a MAJOR growth spurt in the next few months, I shouldn't have to buy her anything else until time to go back to school in the fall.
Well, might not be back for a few days. Inventory tomorrow night at the store and no day off until next weekend, so who knows when I will feel like sitting down here again. Not that anyone really cares...
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Calgon, take me away...
Oh my god. I have more drama in my life than Young & the Restless, General Hospital and All My Children put together. And I can't even tell you all about it because I promised The Ex that I would be nice and not bash him on here anymore. Not that he deserves my kindness, but...
Thanks to Juan Bodley for the link-up. I think it's kinda funny that he doesn't even know who I am and we grew up in the same town. It's all good though. If you haven't already, check him out. He's hilarious.
My little Indian friend and I have been spending a lot of time together. Bad thing is he is going home (to India) at the end of the month. He is only going home for a 2 week visit, but he is afraid that his parents are going to try to marry him off while he is there. So, we have slowed things down and are trying to keep our distance, at least emotionally, until after he gets back and we see what happens. I told him that he should exert is independence and stand up to them, but evidentially, I don't know much about Indian customs, but I do know that he deeply loves and respects his parents and I can't imagine him being rebellious or dis-respectful. He did share with me that he is the oldest child in him family and that if he goes against their wishes, that would open up the door for the other children in his family to go against their wishes also, and then he would probably be dis-owned. I don't know how the whole thing works, so maybe someone could explain it to me. I would ask him, but I don't want him to think I am a complete idiot. Even though I am...
On the sleeping front...Still not doing it, at least not enough to matter. Have gotten a lot of reading done lately though. I either need to find someone to sleep with every night or I need a new mattress. I think I better start saving my money because I doubt I'm gonna be finding a sleeping partner any time soon!
I think I have succeeded in making Truck Driver a little bit jealous. Evidentially, the "potential relationship" that he was supposed to be getting into either isn't happening anymore or he was feeding me a line of shit to see if he could get a reaction out of me, which I am proud to say, he did not. After he told me that, I stopped calling him on a daily basis and now I only call him every couple of days or so...Unless he calls me first, of course, or unless I have something really important to tell him. He called me on Sunday to see if I wanted to hang out for a bit, so I went to his house, (first time I had been there) for a little while. It was pretty late but since I don't sleep anyhow, it really wasn't a big deal. We hung out together for a while, and surprisingly, didn't do anything but watch TV and talk. Was kind of nice. He did ask me if I was spending the night, which I couldn't do, because of Drama Queen needing to get up for school in the morning. Then I called him Monday because I had something for him but he was too busy for us to get together so I could give it to him. I talked to him and saw him briefly yesterday, but he had his son with him all day, so it was just kind of like "hi, call me later, bye" and then I did talk to him for about 10 minutes last evening. Today, I was in a meeting all day and I didn't call him, or anyone else for that matter. He calls me tonight, at about 9:00 and his first words were "are you too good to call me anymore?" "How come I always have to be the one that calls you?" So, I told him why I didn't call anymore and he acted like he was all hurt and shit, but he'll get over it. He just needs someone to feel sorry for him every now and again...
Anywho, this whole post was pointless, but then again, when do I ever make much sense?? I'm gonna go finish my book...
Thanks to Juan Bodley for the link-up. I think it's kinda funny that he doesn't even know who I am and we grew up in the same town. It's all good though. If you haven't already, check him out. He's hilarious.
My little Indian friend and I have been spending a lot of time together. Bad thing is he is going home (to India) at the end of the month. He is only going home for a 2 week visit, but he is afraid that his parents are going to try to marry him off while he is there. So, we have slowed things down and are trying to keep our distance, at least emotionally, until after he gets back and we see what happens. I told him that he should exert is independence and stand up to them, but evidentially, I don't know much about Indian customs, but I do know that he deeply loves and respects his parents and I can't imagine him being rebellious or dis-respectful. He did share with me that he is the oldest child in him family and that if he goes against their wishes, that would open up the door for the other children in his family to go against their wishes also, and then he would probably be dis-owned. I don't know how the whole thing works, so maybe someone could explain it to me. I would ask him, but I don't want him to think I am a complete idiot. Even though I am...
On the sleeping front...Still not doing it, at least not enough to matter. Have gotten a lot of reading done lately though. I either need to find someone to sleep with every night or I need a new mattress. I think I better start saving my money because I doubt I'm gonna be finding a sleeping partner any time soon!
I think I have succeeded in making Truck Driver a little bit jealous. Evidentially, the "potential relationship" that he was supposed to be getting into either isn't happening anymore or he was feeding me a line of shit to see if he could get a reaction out of me, which I am proud to say, he did not. After he told me that, I stopped calling him on a daily basis and now I only call him every couple of days or so...Unless he calls me first, of course, or unless I have something really important to tell him. He called me on Sunday to see if I wanted to hang out for a bit, so I went to his house, (first time I had been there) for a little while. It was pretty late but since I don't sleep anyhow, it really wasn't a big deal. We hung out together for a while, and surprisingly, didn't do anything but watch TV and talk. Was kind of nice. He did ask me if I was spending the night, which I couldn't do, because of Drama Queen needing to get up for school in the morning. Then I called him Monday because I had something for him but he was too busy for us to get together so I could give it to him. I talked to him and saw him briefly yesterday, but he had his son with him all day, so it was just kind of like "hi, call me later, bye" and then I did talk to him for about 10 minutes last evening. Today, I was in a meeting all day and I didn't call him, or anyone else for that matter. He calls me tonight, at about 9:00 and his first words were "are you too good to call me anymore?" "How come I always have to be the one that calls you?" So, I told him why I didn't call anymore and he acted like he was all hurt and shit, but he'll get over it. He just needs someone to feel sorry for him every now and again...
Anywho, this whole post was pointless, but then again, when do I ever make much sense?? I'm gonna go finish my book...
Friday, April 07, 2006
Turn out the lights, the party's over...
Back to work tomorrow after having the last week off. Didn't really do anything special but was kinda nice to just lay around and not have to do anything in particular. I met a new guy over the weekend, last Saturday to be exact, and I've already saw him 3 times this week. He's a great guy: sweet, funny, charming, all the good stuff, but I don't know. He's younger than me by about 5 years and, while we do have quite a bit in common, he is of Indian decent and my family is totally red-neck racist. My mom wouldn't care, really, as long as I was happy, but my dad would have a stroke. I don't really care what my siblings would think. I don't judge them, so they have no say in what I do with my life. My extended family is full of hillbilly rednecks that still think it's 1975 and I would probably be dis-owned. Not that I really care. I've never really given a shit what they all think, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to subject him to their ignorance. He's very intelligent and we share a lot of common interests...We like the same movies, the same music, the same books. Three dates and he's already telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves my eyes. He says I have very expressive eyes and he spends most of our time together staring into them very intently. Made me a little uncomfortable at first, but his eyes are very beautiful also, and it's nice to be able to carry on a conversation with someone that wants to look at you and not turn their back on you. We've had some pretty interesting conversations. He has told me a little bit about Indian culture and that has helped me understand some of the things he says and does. And he is a complete and total gentlemen. Opens doors for me, including car doors, pulls my chair out for me, compliments me regularly, always asks for my opinion before making decisions involving the time we spend together, and he has not made any sort of "move" on me without asking me if it was ok first. On our first date, he asked me if he could hug me before I left and the same on our second date, except he wanted to hug me when I first got there also. On our third date, he hugged me when I got there and kissed my cheek and when I went to leave, he asked if he could kiss me, which I, of course, told him he could. It was a just a simple kiss, nothing too overbearing or invasive or anything like that, but it was nice. It's totally awesome being with someone that doesn't think we have to jump in bed right away. He's away in Chicago this weekend, for the wedding reception of a former roommate, so I won't get to see him until Sunday and maybe not even then, depending on what time he gets home. He promised he would call when he got in tonight, so I'm looking forward to that phone call. That's another thing...After each one of our dates, he has asked me to call him and let him know when I arrived home safely so that he wouldn't worry. After date #3, I forgot to call him, and he ended up calling me about 30 minutes after I got home, just to make sure everything was alright. Those conversations are short and sweet, just "glad you made it home alright, I enjoyed spending the evening with you, I can't wait to see you again." But they are meaningful to me because I actually feel like he genuinely gives a shit. I don't know, it's too early to tell anything, but he's sweet and funny and I like him, and we'll see what happens.
In other news, I went out with Truck Driver again last night. It was totally nothing but a drunken booty call. And a very bad decision on my part. I shouldn't let him talk me into shit, I know, but I can't help myself. He turns on the charm and I am putty in his hands. And, while I really don't expect anything from him, he never called me today and he usually calls me every day. Oh well, I know exactly what I am to him and I just have to work up enough self-esteem to tell him I'm not gonna be his booty call any more. The sex is really good, though, and all he has to do is start kissing me, and I can't fucking tell him no. But if things progress with the New Guy, then I will definitely tell him that we can only be friends, not friends "with benefits."
Ok, so, like I said, back to work tomorrow. Lucky me. Back to my same old boring routine. I'm really beginning to hate my life. I gotta make some changes real fast...I feel myself totally being stuck in a rut that I am not going to be able to dig myself out of if I don't do something fast. And I'm still not sleeping much. Two or three hours a night. Which is total bullshit. I can get used to the no sleep thing, I've been through this before. What I can't get used to is that the sleep that I do get is not restful sleep so exhaustion is creeping up on me very quickly and I can't deal with that very well. Today for example: the last time I looked at the clock, it was 3:45. I woke up at 6:30 because we went shopping today at the Outlet Mall in Fremont, IN, and we wanted to get an early start, since it was over an hour drive away and I got up that early so Drama Queen and I could both shower and get ready. Anyhow, we headed back around 2 o'clock this afternoon and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open while driving. We took the little girl that went with us home and came home and I turned on the computer for a few minutes so I could check e-mail and stuff like that, not that I ever get anything worthwhile (except for the occasional e-mails from MadMands), and by this time, I was totally exhausted. I took my shoes off and laid down to take a nap, and as soon as my head hit the pillows, my eyes were wide open. I tossed and turned for a while, trying to get comfortable, and finally started reading a little, hoping that I would bore myself to sleep, but that didn't help either. Finally, I gave up and just got up, because I wasn't making any progress. And, now I am so damn tired I can barely move. Maybe I need a new mattress. Or maybe I just need to get the fuck away from all the shit that drives me crazy and constantly runs through my head and keeps me from being still for more than 30 seconds at a time. Insomnia is a wonderful thing, isn't it?
In other news, I went out with Truck Driver again last night. It was totally nothing but a drunken booty call. And a very bad decision on my part. I shouldn't let him talk me into shit, I know, but I can't help myself. He turns on the charm and I am putty in his hands. And, while I really don't expect anything from him, he never called me today and he usually calls me every day. Oh well, I know exactly what I am to him and I just have to work up enough self-esteem to tell him I'm not gonna be his booty call any more. The sex is really good, though, and all he has to do is start kissing me, and I can't fucking tell him no. But if things progress with the New Guy, then I will definitely tell him that we can only be friends, not friends "with benefits."
Ok, so, like I said, back to work tomorrow. Lucky me. Back to my same old boring routine. I'm really beginning to hate my life. I gotta make some changes real fast...I feel myself totally being stuck in a rut that I am not going to be able to dig myself out of if I don't do something fast. And I'm still not sleeping much. Two or three hours a night. Which is total bullshit. I can get used to the no sleep thing, I've been through this before. What I can't get used to is that the sleep that I do get is not restful sleep so exhaustion is creeping up on me very quickly and I can't deal with that very well. Today for example: the last time I looked at the clock, it was 3:45. I woke up at 6:30 because we went shopping today at the Outlet Mall in Fremont, IN, and we wanted to get an early start, since it was over an hour drive away and I got up that early so Drama Queen and I could both shower and get ready. Anyhow, we headed back around 2 o'clock this afternoon and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open while driving. We took the little girl that went with us home and came home and I turned on the computer for a few minutes so I could check e-mail and stuff like that, not that I ever get anything worthwhile (except for the occasional e-mails from MadMands), and by this time, I was totally exhausted. I took my shoes off and laid down to take a nap, and as soon as my head hit the pillows, my eyes were wide open. I tossed and turned for a while, trying to get comfortable, and finally started reading a little, hoping that I would bore myself to sleep, but that didn't help either. Finally, I gave up and just got up, because I wasn't making any progress. And, now I am so damn tired I can barely move. Maybe I need a new mattress. Or maybe I just need to get the fuck away from all the shit that drives me crazy and constantly runs through my head and keeps me from being still for more than 30 seconds at a time. Insomnia is a wonderful thing, isn't it?
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I love you guys...
Thanks so much to all the folks over at RW...BS, especially AmyJo, for turning me on to Zappos for shoes. Not only did I buy the most awesome pair of motorcycle boots, but they were $10 cheaper than the exact same pair at a local department store AND I got free shipping AND the nice people at Zappos even upgraded my shipping from standard 4-5 day shipping to express next-day shipping AT NO EXTRA CHARGE!! I think I'm in love.
Are these not the coolest boots you have ever seen? Not that I will ever have a motorcycle ride while I'm wearing them, but I will look cool not riding my motorcycle. Or something like that. Whatever, I haven't slept in a week. Give me a break.
Are these not the coolest boots you have ever seen? Not that I will ever have a motorcycle ride while I'm wearing them, but I will look cool not riding my motorcycle. Or something like that. Whatever, I haven't slept in a week. Give me a break.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Very enlightening...
The Ex and I had a very enlightening conversation yesterday that has totally changed my perspective of him and our relationship. Former relationship, sorry. Turns out there were a lot of things that I didn't know about that happened during the course of the last 5 years. I'm not really pissed off about it all, but it explains why he was always so jealous of my friends and why he never trusted me. He had a guilty conscience. I was the one who totally trusted him and it turns out he didn't deserve it at all. I guess I'm pretty angry with myself for being so naive to think that I was enough of a woman to make him happy. It has totally made me re-think my entire perspective on my life and I don't know what to do about it all. I guess there really isn't anything I can do, is there? Another thing that I don't get is how he could sit there and deliberately make me feel like complete shit for things that he had done also. There really isn't anything I can do about it now anyhow, so why beat myself up over it, right? I wish it was that easy to do instead of just saying it...
On a lighter note (insert sarcasm here), I haven't slept since Thursday, except for the 4 or 5 hours that I passed out after drinking myself silly on Saturday night. Insomnia is a wonderful thing, isn't it? I'm nearing the point of delirium very quickly. I find myself having to blast the radio while I'm driving, or I start to doze off. I sit here and try to write or read the news or watch a movie and I catch myself starting to doze, so I go to bed, and suddenly I'm wide awake. I read a book, or listen to some soft music and nothing helps. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I can no longer close my eyes. I have tried cutting out all caffeine, not eating anything with a lot of sugar that might get me wound up; I've even tried sleeping pills, and nothing is helping. I can barely function right now because I am so damn exhausted. I hate feeling like this. This is ridiculous. I can't even think straight right now, so I'm gonna go before I say something stupid.
On a lighter note (insert sarcasm here), I haven't slept since Thursday, except for the 4 or 5 hours that I passed out after drinking myself silly on Saturday night. Insomnia is a wonderful thing, isn't it? I'm nearing the point of delirium very quickly. I find myself having to blast the radio while I'm driving, or I start to doze off. I sit here and try to write or read the news or watch a movie and I catch myself starting to doze, so I go to bed, and suddenly I'm wide awake. I read a book, or listen to some soft music and nothing helps. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I can no longer close my eyes. I have tried cutting out all caffeine, not eating anything with a lot of sugar that might get me wound up; I've even tried sleeping pills, and nothing is helping. I can barely function right now because I am so damn exhausted. I hate feeling like this. This is ridiculous. I can't even think straight right now, so I'm gonna go before I say something stupid.
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